Romancing the Web

When I was younger I used to wonder why I could never find a happy, fulfilling relationship.  I was so lonely and miserable even when I had a boyfriend.  Part of the problem was I was attracted to bad boys.  Like a lot of people out there I over looked nice people. I wasn’t attracted to men who weren’t a challenge.  At the same time, though it seems contradictory, I wanted men who wanted me.  In other words,  if an attractive bad boy wanted me, I wanted him.  I didn’t stop to ask myself what I liked about them and if they were good for me. I just went with the flow.

During that time I would hope and pray I would find someone who would truly love me. Then off I’d go in hot pursuit of another bad boy, hoping he would change his bad ways and fall head over heels in love with me.  The problem was that I did catch quite a few of those bad boys and all they did was make me miserable.  I went from heart break to heart break feeling unimportant, lonely and down right unlovable. I was always blaming myself too. Beating myself up and dragging myself down thinking I was too fat or too stupid or too something.

Don’t get me wrong here. I wasn’t entirely miserable. I had a lot of fun in those days too.  I was happy in my life in general it was only the love department that made me miserable.  I’ve lived a life full of crazy laughter and fun but something was definitely missing.  I think the truth was that even though I secretly pined for someone to love me and sometimes cried myself to sleep at night because I was lonely, I didn’t really want that.   Some part of me was very aware that I did not want to settle down. It was that subconscious knowledge that kept me interested in those bad boys. 

Something else I find interesting is that we’ve all noticed that when we’re single and looking  it seems like the opposite sex seems less than interested in us. Yet, the minute we’re in a committed relationship the opposite sex seems to wake up to our greatness and find us suddenly appealing.  People have theorized that it’s because we stop giving off a desperate vibe. I have my own theory on this. I think it’s because a lot of people tend to want what we can’t have because  they aren’t ready for love.  I think we make a lot of decisions about love on a subconscious level. 

The biggest problem comes when we truly are ready for love yet we hold onto our old self destructive habits.  I know for me it was slow process of awakening that ended with an epiphany.  It suddenly occurred to me after months of soul searching, what I had been doing for years.  I realized that when I met men who might offer me a healthy and happy relationship I just wasn’t interested in them at all.  I hadn’t done any of this by setting standards too high, like many people do, I had done it by being completely and utterly uninterested in nice guys.  You know, the kind of guy that can promise to love you forever and never leave you and actually mean it.

The night of my epiphany I decided that I was going to be open to nice guys.  I wasn’t going to shut them out or blow them off as desperate losers. I was going to get serious about finding real, healthy, happy love.  Two days later (I kid you not) I met the man who has been my husband for the last 11 years. It’s amazing what can happen when you start getting real with yourself and open yourself up to realistic possibilities isn’t it?

As for those women who tell me they just can’t help chasing bad boys, I say to them that ALL men have a bad boy streak.  Even the nicest guy in the world has some bad boy hidden in there somewhere. Just hang around long enough and you’ll find it and trust me, it’s worth it.