Are You Worth Love and Respect?

People are always complaining that they are constantly being let down by the people they date. They say that everyone they are with does not value them, uses them, cheats on them, lies to them, or any number of bad behaviors that people do to each other. Often they say that they give up on finding anyone only to turn right around and be in another bad relationship where the same scenario is played out again.

The reality is that when it comes to love and relationships, we will only get what we think we are worth. It’s a lot easier to blame the world than it is to accept the truth about ourselves. If deep down inside you think there is something wrong with you then you will find yourself settling for just about anyone who shows interest in you that comes your way.

We find ourselves thinking that people in general just suck when it’s really our low self esteem that is the cause of our misery. It’s what makes us settle for the people who do not value us and treat us the way we should be treated. If you don’t think you deserve to be treated with love and respect then why should anyone else?

If deep down you believe that you’re too fat, too stupid, too ugly or just unworthy, for whatever reason, you are not going to attract the right people into your life. The kind of healthy, well adjusted people that we should all be looking for are out there for you if you believe you are worth their love.

Come on people, it’s not about those kinds of things anyway. You don’t have to be a card carrying member of the Mensa Society who looks like a super model to be worthy of love and respect You just have to value yourself and believe that you are worthy of it.

Dig down and find some good things about yourself and focus and build on that. If you can’t find a few good things about yourself then honestly you shouldn’t even be considering a relationship with someone else. In that case it’s time to do some serious soul searching and self work and perhaps find a good therapist to help you work through your issues. No one is going to save you but yourself. You can’t look for someone who brings out the best in you without believing that the best is already inside you somewhere.

Single Soldiers

Between the ages of 18 and 22 I lived in an area of Southern California that had several Military Bases. When my friends and I would go to one of the larger local dance clubs we felt like meat on a slab. All those lonely soldiers would vie for our attention. The problem was that we weren’t there looking men. Most of us already had boyfriends. We just wanted to drink, dance in our little group and have a lot of fun. No offense to the Soldiers, but after a while it became a drag having to turn them down constantly.

In today’s world it would have been easy for those Soldiers to have actually brought a date to the club. These days all a lonely Soldier needs to do is join a Dating Site specifically for Single Soldiers and singles interested in meeting them. Not to mention that a deployed Soldier can utilize the Virtual Dating features on a site like to locate and go on a virtual date with singles located anywhere  in the world.

It is my hope that there will be less lonely Soldiers in this world. Our Soldiers sacrifice a lot for us, sometimes everything, so they deserve to find love and be happy. So, to any Soldier reading this, I thank you for your service and I truly hope that I can help you to find the love of your life!

Need a Date for Valentine’s Day?

Ah, Valentine’s Day, a day when millions of singles are made to feel even more lonely than they usually do.  There’s nothing like this holiday when it comes to being reminded by commercials, candy displays in stores and friends and co-workers talking about their plans with their dates for the big night.

Well there is absolutely no reason you should be  alone  for this year’s holiday or any Valentines Day in the future.  If you are, then it’s your own fault. I’ve been hammering at you since the day I started this blog to just take the plunge and join a Dating Site.  Just joining one isn’t enough either.  If you’re going to do it then do it right.  Put up your picture, fully fill out your profile and try contacting a few people every week until you find the right one.

I remember back in my younger days that I felt like a total loser whenever I was single on Valentine’s Day. There is no reason to feel like a pathetic loser for being single. What you should be feeling instead, is resolve. Resolve to be in a happy and healthy relationship by this time next year.  If you’re unhappy being along then do something about it and change it.

Even if you don’t have time to make a real date with someone perhaps you could set up a virtual date.  Anyone who has ever gone out to dinner anywhere decent on V-Day knows what I’m talking about when I say that sometimes actual Valentine’s dates can be a nightmare of over crowded restaurants and bars.  It’s my opinion that a Virtual Date can be just as good or even better than a real one in this case.

Another angle to look at here is that this time of year people do tend to be a little more lonely so it’s a really good time to contact people on Dating Sites. A lot of people are checking in on them more often in the hopes that someone has tried to contact them.  Why not be the one making the contact? Does it get more romantic than meeting the love of your life on Valentine’s Day?  One thing’s for sure, you will always remember the day you met each other.

As always, all of the Online Dating Sites listed at the top of this page offer Mobile Dating as well as Virtual Dating and of course real dating.  You can also check out my newest Dating Site  Thirties Love and remember that all dating sites are not the same.

Also remember the number one secret to dating success, HAVE FUN on your dates, even the dreaded first date!  Happy hunting and don’t dodge Cupid’s arrows!

Being Overly Picky

We’ve all known, or at least heard about, someone who is always single because they just can’t find that perfect person to settle down with.   Often times those people have a mother or friend who is exasperated by their perpetual need to be over choosey.

I’ve read articles urging these people to ease up on the quest for perfection and consider settling for someone less than perfect for them.  If you ask me I think that is horrible advice!  It’s like I always say, when it’s right you know it!  The key word here is YOU know it, not your mother and certainly not your friends.  The path you take in life is yours and yours alone and no one else should even feel that they can make such personal decisions for you.  

That said, we’ve all also known or heard about those people who are overly picky yet they whine about being perpetually single.   I say be patient with them. Some of us have a burning desire to find our Soul Mate and until we find them we aren’t going to live in peace.  The problem is that sometimes these people expect chance, fate or god to deliver their perfect match to them.  They keep waiting for that chance meeting at the grocery store or in some bar.  Well I’m here to tell you that sometimes it just doesn’t work like that.

Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns and actively seek out that special someone.  Sure, it’s possible to meet someone by chance and it happens all the time but tell me something here… How long have you been waiting?  Why not get out there and actually date people?  I’m not going to tell you it will happen fast and I’m not going to tell you will happen slowly. Heck, I’m not even going to tell you will happen at all but what I can tell you is that you may as well get out and date and have fun while you’re looking!

If you’re lonely and searching for that special someone put away that silly pride of yours and join a dating site (like the ones listed at the top of this page) and start doing something about it!   How often in life do things just fall into our lap?  As adults we know we usually have to work to have good things. We go to college to get a good job.  We save money to buy a house.  We work for almost everything we get in life so why should you think about love any differently?

It’s also very possible that your overly picky tendency is there because you aren’t meant to be with anyone at all. Perhaps your path is one to walked alone. Some people live their whole lives single and yet they’ve found happiness anyway.

If the idea of a life spent single makes you panic a little then I would suggest that you stop waiting and start dating!  Honestly, let’s get down to brass tacks here, there’s no one stopping you but you yourself.


Soul Mates

It seems that everyone is looking for their Soul Mate yet not everyone agrees on what a Soul Mate actually is.  Some people believe that their Soul Mate is someone that god created to be with them. Others believe their Soul Mate is another Soul that has shared many lives with them through reincarnations.  My personal belief is that we can actually have many Soul Mates throughout our existence.  Not only do I feel that my husband is a Soul Mate but also many close friends over the years have been Soul Mates. Heck, I even think those who have broken my heart the hardest were Soul Mates. I am actually grateful for those heart breaks because they made me appreciate the right one when he came into my life. 

You see, I believe that my husband is my primary Soul Mate where as the other people who have touched my life in profound ways have been Soul Mates as well.  I guess I believe in destiny on more levels than just romance.   I believe that even people who break our hearts may have been predestined to do so.  It’s my belief that life is a series of lessons and we learn  those lessons from many, many people that we interact with over our life times. So to me Soul Mates are not just about romance but about human relationships and all the different kinds of love and lessons in this life.

That said, I will now focus on the kind of Soul Mate that relates to my Blog. It is, after all, a Blog about Romance and finding love.  As those of you who have followed my Blog from the beginning know I met my husband on the internet and it was sort of a “love BEFORE first site” kind of meeting.  To say it was a whirlwind romance is putting it mildly.  I met him on a Friday night and after a few days of messaging and talking on the phone we set a date for the following Friday. Then just two Fridays later I moved in with him and we were married just four months later.  I know, I know, it sounds completely insane but sometimes you just KNOW.

How did we know?  Well, for one thing when I met him I honestly felt like I was meeting another part of myself.  It was the strangest feeling that I had never felt before and have not felt since.  It was as if we were the same person that had been living two separate lives up to that point and now that we had met we would be living just one life together. Meeting him felt like I had found my home in this world.  Words cannot do it justice but I think I’m getting my point across.

When I look back on that meeting 11 years ago I am just astounded.  There I was in Los Angeles growing up and doing my thing while my Soul Mate was in Salt Lake City growing up and doing his thing.  It just astounds that the Internet was able to allow us to cross paths.  I mean, talk about strange!  Without it we would have never met.  Not only is Salt Lake City hundreds of miles from Los Angeles but it’s worlds away in culture!  We would have never met if we hadn’t both been open to change and using new avenues to meet people.

So, to those of you who are lonely and searching for your Soul Mate I say be open to different ways to find them.  Perhaps they aren’t even living in the city or state you are living in.  Don’t rule out using the Internet and Online Dating.  Isn’t it possible that, like mine, your Soul Mate could live in a different city?  My advice to you is to use the chat feature on Dating Sites.  They’re full of people looking for the same thing you are.  My second piece of advice will seem to contradict my first piece of advice but trust me it really doesn’t: When you are in those chat rooms just relax, have fun and don’t actively pursue anyone in there until you get to know them a little bit first.  Do a little bit of playing hard to get during those first few hours of meeting. It will make you immensely more attractive, I promise.  So just hang out in chat, make some friends and see what comes your way. Then after meet someone that way you should seriously try doing some Virtual Dating, you will love it, I swear!     :-)

If you aren’t currently a member of a Dating Site that offers Chat as well as Virtual Dating you may want to check out the links at the top of this page. All of the sites listed offer those as well as other features… Thanks!

MeetingThe Right One…

When I was young I spent a lot of time second guessing every relationship I was in.  I would sometimes wonder if my latest love interest was the “right one.”  I spent a lot of energy trying to make them the right one. I would try to talk myself into being more into them than I actually was.  Sometimes I would change myself for them. I would pick up their hobbies and interests in an attempt to make things better. Of course it never worked out because no matter how hard I tried they just weren’t the right one.

Then I met my husband and it was a lot different.  When I met him it felt like I had met myself.  We were a lot alike without putting any effort into it at all.  In my mind, and his, we were almost the same exact person.   It really felt as though we had met some kind of extension of ourselves, as if we literally met our other half.   All we could see were the things we had in common. It took us about 3 years to realize that we were two individual people with different likes, dislikes, interests and upbringings.  I know that sounds strange and maybe it is, but I’ve spoken to a lot of other happily married couples and quite a few of them have told me it was the same for them.  Maybe it’s a soul mate thing, I don’t know, but in my experience it sure felt like it.

I’ve had platonic friendships that came close to this but without the chemistry of a love affair.  I’m sure many of you have met friends in your life who you’ve hit it off with and shared many things in common with.  Sometimes you meet a friend and become instantly inseparable because you get along so well.  That’s not so different from what I’m talking about here except the stakes are much higher when the chemistry is right.

I know when I met my husband I was scared to death to admit to myself that I was in love with him almost instantly.  When feelings run that deep there is a lot on the line.  Lesser (or maybe smarter?) people might have run away screaming with the flood of emotions I felt for him.  Instead of running I faced those feelings and laid it all out for him. I told him that I was in love with him and that my heart was in his hands.  Lucky for me he felt the same way but deep down in my soul I KNEW he felt the same. Honestly, I don’t think running away screaming was ever an option. We were both stuck like glue because the pain of even walking away would have been too great.

So if you ever find yourself in a relationship wondering if you’re in love you can bet the answer to the question is no.  Real love hits you like a ton of bricks and there is no doubt  about it.  Another thing that was different from the past was that I had NO doubts about it at all. Not a single hesitation.  There was no little nagging voice that filled my head with doubts.  Even the down right petrified fear of giving my heart so fully did not create any doubt in my mind.  Yes I was scared but no, I did not doubt for even a moment that he was the right one. 

So in my experience, the old cliché is true… When it’s right you know it.

As for WHERE to meet the right one, there are links to several Dating Sites at the top of this page.  Why not give one a try? Your  Soul Mate might be there waiting for you.   :-)


Police and Fire Fighter Dating

When you’re in the Police or Fire Fighter professions your life is at risk on any given day and it takes a special kind of woman to stand by your side. I know that I, myself  always said I was too selfish to be in a relationship with a Cop or a Fire Fighter. My reasoning was that I couldn’t handle them going into harms way whenever the call came. So it shouldn’t come as a shock to you to find out that I am in fact married to a cop. Why should it? Doesn’t life usually work that way?

Let me be clear here. I did not marry a Cop, I married a man with a nice safe profession. He was a Web Product Manager for an internet company when I married him eleven years ago. Five years ago we had a short “discussion” that consisted of two sentences: “I’m going to attend the academy and become a cop. Deal with it.” That was it, I found myself married to a cop.  At first I spent nearly everyday terrified that he would be shot or killed in any number of horrific ways. Over the years I’ve come to trust his training and accept his chosen profession to the point that I’m a great Cop’s wife. I love my Cop with all my heart and I will support him every step of the way. I’ve become so incredibly proud of him and the job he does everyday locking up dirt bags and keeping the streets safe in our little town.

A friend of mine, who is now engaged to a cop, absolutely refused to date her fiance when she met him because he was cop. Like me, she didn’t think she could handle it. He persisted and over many months he was able to persuade her to go out on a date with him. She still struggles with it even though she loves him very much. I figure she’ll be okay with it in another year or so but it can’t be easy for him to have to bottle the things he sometimes has to deal with on the job up because he’s afraid to worry her.

Nowadays Cops and Fire Fighters have easier options for finding women who will accept and support them in their chosen careers. They can join an Online Dating Site like and find women who are interested in men in that line of work. It’s sure as hell a lot easier than convincing some unsuspecting woman that it’ll be no big deal to risk losing the man in her life to a crazed gunman or blazing fire. The women on that site are actively seeking men in those careers and some of them are actually Cops or Fire Fighters themselves and in that case they will truly understand the pressures that go along with the job.

So if you’re single and  you’ve chosen a career in Law Enforcement or Fire Fighting I would highly recommend joining  just to make things in your love life that much more simple.

Dating In Your Forties

For a few weeks now I’ve been doing some research on dating in your forties and what I’ve seen can be very discouraging.  There are rants about it on Craigs List and negativity about it abounds.  I just don’t get it. It must be that those who find love and happiness after forty don’t run around posting about it on the internet. Although, quite a few of the Love Stories that I’ve posted on this blog were about people in their late thirties and forties.

Yes, it’s absolutely true that you can find love even after forty.  I honestly don’t think it’s any more difficult than finding love at any other age.   Maybe it’s that too many people are set in their ways or locked into certain behaviors and preferences so it’s more difficult for them to mesh with new people.  I think the reality is that most of us actually grow more patient as we age and it’s just a noisy minority of people who write about their negative experiences with dating after forty.

Sure having kids can make it more difficult and seems to put more on the line when it comes to relationships.  Most responsible parents want to protect their children from heart-break and feelings of abandonment in the event that the relationship doesn’t work out.  There are those times when you bring someone around that you’re casually dating and the kids seem to bond with them more than you do and it’s probably a good idea to try to avoid that. Also, as a parent you have less time to go out on dates.  You can’t just agree to a Friday night date on the spot because you need to work out a sitter or attend your kid’s soccer game.

How do you get around these kinds of things?  Well, you can start by joining an online dating site and getting to know people online before you get to know them in person.  Using the telephone and email is a lot easier for those of us with limited time and the need to protect our children’s hearts.  At  you can also use the Virtual Dating feature to have a few dates online before you even talk on the phone.  It’s easy to sit down at your computer while the kids are in bed or out doing whatever it is kids do and get to know perspective dates without any hassle. There’s also Mobile Dating available there so you can search or interact with singles while you’re on the go.

While you’re meeting perspective dates in the virtual realm you can find out what a person is about and what it is they are looking for.  You can get to know them in a totally relaxed environment without the nerves of a real first date. Then if you decide you do like them, your first in person date will go much more smoothly because you already know the person you’re going out with. 

Okay, now that we’ve covered how to meet other singles, we’ll discuss something else I came across in my research.  I found that a lot of men complain that women in their forties are too motherly for them. They want a woman who is mature but still able to cut loose and have fun.  This is another complaint that I just don’t get.  I am 42 years old and most of my friends are either in their forties or they’re pushing it hard.  Not a single one of us is “motherly” to people other than our own children.  We still have a sense of fun and like to laugh and be silly. I’m always telling people that I’m 42 going on fourteen and it’s true!   Well on second thought, I do have a couple of friends that take life too seriously but ya know what? They ALWAYS did that.  Maybe you guys are just meeting those kinds of women.  Come on, we all know those people who are just too serious. It’s not even just women, there are lots of men like that too and it has to do more with personality than age.

So if you meet someone online who just seems too serious for you just move on to the next one. It’s a lot easier than going out on an actual date.  There will be no awkward moment at the end of your virtual date where you’re worried they will try to kiss you or expect you to kiss them and there won’t be any screening of your calls for the next week or two.   That goes for every complaint you can come up with.  If someone is not a good match for you then move on and find someone who is.  People these days seem to think that finding a romantic partner should be like buying peanut butter.  There are way more choices out there than creamy or chunky so keep looking until you find the one that works for you!

If you’re in your forties and read this and realized that you’ve become too serious, lighten up and have some fun! Plan dates that will bring out your fun side. Go rent bikes or go roller skating.  Go to an amusement park or go out dancing.  Dating should be fun so you can truly relax and get to know each other in your natural, relaxed, state.  Going out to dinner is fine too but why not save that for another date?  I have always hated eating on a first date. I feel so on the spot and self-conscious and that is NOT a natural state for me!  What is a natural state for me is dripping salsa or something greasy across my lap and chest while I’m nervously eating. Yes, I am a clutz and it’s much more enjoyable to fall on my butt roller skating than it is to spend the rest of my date with a big stain on my shirt. Stop being so worried about acting foolish and remember, you’re in your forties not your seventies. You’re still young enough to go out and play in the sunshine.

If you are one of those serious people don’t feel bad. It’s just who you are and there are other serious people out there for you. Heck you may even find a silly person that you click with.  I’m a life long silly person who’s been married to a serious man for 11 years now!  It’s just a matter of knowing what you want or being open to people who are different than you are. Love is a complex emotion based on many different factors.  It’s down right unexplainable really.  Just get out there and keep looking until you find the one that makes your heart go pitter patter. If you’re relaxed and patient (as I know all you old farts can be) you will find it…. Yeah, that’s right. I called you an old fart. What are you going to do about it, huh? Nothing, because I’ve already skated away… Neener, neener, neener!


A note about,  It can be used for finding people of any age.  You can choose to set it for any age group 18 and up so if you’re in your forties and are open to dating younger or older people you will not be limited to people in their forties. Also, if you’ve packed on some poundage as you’ve gotten older there’s also and that’s full of people looking for women with big curves.


Go With The Flow

Ice Cream Dessert

Image via Wikipedia

  This post is about something a lot of  singles do when it comes to dating, the tendency to over think things.

  Women especially can fall victim to the over thinking monster and that really is what it can be, a monster.  We can take a simple statement and turn it into a million things. Wondering what he meant when he said that he didn’t like ice cream much. What did he mean when he said he didn’t like ice cream? Why would he say that? Is he saying I’m fat?  No, maybe he just doesn’t like ice cream? Is he saying he thinks I’m cold? Is he saying we’ll never get along because I like ice cream? I wonder if he was hurt by someone when he was eating ice cream?

  Okay, so this is a silly example but I think it makes the point that something so simple can be used for hours of self torture and obsessive behavior. It can be turned into all sorts of fuel for a neurotic inner dialogue when maybe, just maybe, he meant exactly what he said and he really just doesn’t like ice cream much!

  I think when it comes to relationships some of us are just so freaked out that we grasp at straws and try to make something out of nothing.  We’re so afraid of being rejected that we’re on the look out for any little sign that we’re going to get hurt.  There’s a line in song called Breathe by Taylor Swift that says  “every little bump in the road, I try to swerve.”  I think that line perfectly describes what I’m trying to say here. 

  What we really need to do, instead of swerving like a drunken fool in a demolition derby, is learn to follow our gut instinct when it comes to relationships.  You have a little voice inside. You may think you don’t but you do. It’s just that it can be really hard to hear because it just whispers while the over thinking monster screams a thousand things in an attempt to drown that little voice out. 

  Sometimes our instincts are telling us that a relationship with a person is a really bad idea but we never hear it because we’re busy distracting ourselves over the fact that he doesn’t like ice cream much.  Sometimes our instincts are telling us that this is a person we could spend the rest of our life with but we drown it out by over thinking it because getting real with ourselves  isn’t something we’re ready to do yet.

  Do yourself a favor and teach yourself to go with the flow and stop over thinking every little thing.  Let that little voice guide you and you can’t go wrong.  Even if you end up getting hurt.  What? Yes, even if you end up getting hurt.  Sometimes we need to follow a certain path even if the path leads us to a broken heart.  There are lessons in every relationship you have and if you just learn to follow that little voice inside every lesson you learn will be a healthy and valuable one that will lead to the right person.

  Remember the trick is to stop over thinking and listen for the little voice instead. It may take some time to find it but it’s there. 

Love Is Interracial

The newest link I’ve added to my blog is  If you think about it, love is not about the color of your skin.  Love comes from the heart.  It’s about attraction, a certain spark or chemistry and people’s race or culture really does not matter.  If the attraction is there then that’s all that matters and thankfully in our world today, most people seem to value love more than they value the old ways of thinking. 

I actually admire couples from days gone by who were strong enough to stand  up and love who they loved even if they were different colors and society frowned upon it.  I have a cousin who was with a black man in the 1970′s and 80′s and had children with him.  My grandparents, who were old Texans who’d migrated to California during the dust bowl, could have very easily “disowned” her and her children and anyone would have thought they would, but they didn’t.  Even though it seemed like something they could never accept they took it all in stride as much as they could.  They loved their granddaughter and their great grand children just as much as they loved the rest of us.  Perhaps it was this example that helped me have the opinion I have today on interracial couples.  I watched my cousins little girl grow up. Seeing her pictures and seeing her every few years and I always thought she was, by far, the prettiest girl in our family.

When I had a child of my own she was 14 years old by the time I realized something kind of bizarre.  Throughout her life her best friends were always mixed race.  Honestly I thought so little about it that it took me that long to notice.  I might have gone my entire life without ever noticing if the kids in the small town we now live in, weren’t harassing my daughter’s best friend for “being half black.”   They would say things in front of her about other black kids being thieves and thugs then say to her “Oh well, not you, we know you and we know you aren’t like that.”  After she got offended and stood up for herself they got even worse.  As accepting as the world is today about interracial couples there are still ignorant people out there who choose to hate because they don’t understand love and they just can’t seem to accept that the world is moving past the old ways of thinking about race.

When my daughter was in the first grade I was driving her home from school one day and out of the blue she asked me what I would do if when she was older she brought home a black boyfriend.  After being shocked about such a grown up thought from such a small child, I answered that I didn’t care what color he was so long and he treated her with love and respect and I meant it.

Here’s the way I see it. None of us choose what we are attracted to. We also don’t choose what repulses us.  Those things come from something deep inside our brains.  I like men with dark hair. I don’t like men with blonde eyelashes. I like men who are very intelligent. I don’t like men with bubble butts that walk kind of leaned forward, lol.  I did not sit down one day and tell myself that these were going to be the things that attract me or repulse me.  It just kind of happened. I don’t think attraction is a choice.  I think certain things just appeal to us and if we want to be happy we have no choice but follow our hearts.  I think that people sometimes live their lives in fear of being judged so they turn it around and judge everyone around them instead. I also believe that sometimes people let society choose for them.  I’m sure there are lots of people out there who have been attracted to someone from another race but they chose to ignore it for fear of being  judged.  To me that is very sad because we need to let love be our guide not hatred and racism.

To the people out there like my cousin I say good for you! Good for you for standing up to society and loving the people you love and ignoring the haters!  To the black men and women out there who choose to love white men and women even though some people from your community judge you harshly I say stand up for what you love and don’t let them bring you down.  Sure, I understand being proud of your race but racism is racism from both directions and it’s just not right. Love is love and the color of our skin should have nothing to do with it. So stand up and do what is in your heart because you are better than they are. You are more evolved because you see love not hate and that my friends is a beautiful thing no matter how much some people try to make it ugly.



Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,145 other followers