True love continues to grow and evolve.
When I was young I spent a lot of time second guessing every relationship I was in. I would sometimes wonder if my latest love interest was the “right one.” I spent a lot of energy trying to make them the right one. I would try to talk myself into being more into them than I actually was. Sometimes I would change myself for them. I would pick up their hobbies and interests in an attempt to make things better. Of course it never worked out because no matter how hard I tried they just weren’t the right one.
Then I met my husband and it was a lot different. When I met him it felt like I had met myself. We were a lot alike without putting any effort into it at all. In my mind, and his, we were almost the same exact person. It really felt as though we had met some kind of extension of ourselves, as if we literally met our other half. All we could see were the things we had in common. It took us about 3 years to realize that we were two individual people with different likes, dislikes, interests and upbringings. I know that sounds strange and maybe it is, but I’ve spoken to a lot of other happily married couples and quite a few of them have told me it was the same for them. Maybe it’s a soul mate thing, I don’t know, but in my experience it sure felt like it.
I’ve had platonic friendships that came close to this but without the chemistry of a love affair. I’m sure many of you have met friends in your life who you’ve hit it off with and shared many things in common with. Sometimes you meet a friend and become instantly inseparable because you get along so well. That’s not so different from what I’m talking about here except the stakes are much higher when the chemistry is right.
I know when I met my husband I was scared to death to admit to myself that I was in love with him almost instantly. When feelings run that deep there is a lot on the line. Lesser (or maybe smarter?) people might have run away screaming with the flood of emotions I felt for him. Instead of running I faced those feelings and laid it all out for him. I told him that I was in love with him and that my heart was in his hands. Lucky for me he felt the same way but deep down in my soul I KNEW he felt the same. Honestly, I don’t think running away screaming was ever an option. We were both stuck like glue because the pain of even walking away would have been too great.
So if you ever find yourself in a relationship wondering if you’re in love you can bet the answer to the question is no. Real love hits you like a ton of bricks and there is no doubt about it. Another thing that was different from the past was that I had NO doubts about it at all. Not a single hesitation. There was no little nagging voice that filled my head with doubts. Even the down right petrified fear of giving my heart so fully did not create any doubt in my mind. Yes I was scared but no, I did not doubt for even a moment that he was the right one.
So in my experience, the old cliché is true… When it’s right you know it.
As for WHERE to meet the right one, there are links to several Dating Sites at the top of this page. Why not give one a try? Your Soul Mate might be there waiting for you. :-)
When you’re in the Police or Fire Fighter professions your life is at risk on any given day and it takes a special kind of woman to stand by your side. I know that I, myself always said I was too selfish to be in a relationship with a Cop or a Fire Fighter. My reasoning was that I couldn’t handle them going into harms way whenever the call came. So it shouldn’t come as a shock to you to find out that I am in fact married to a cop. Why should it? Doesn’t life usually work that way?
Let me be clear here. I did not marry a Cop, I married a man with a nice safe profession. He was a Web Product Manager for an internet company when I married him eleven years ago. Five years ago we had a short “discussion” that consisted of two sentences: “I’m going to attend the academy and become a cop. Deal with it.” That was it, I found myself married to a cop. At first I spent nearly everyday terrified that he would be shot or killed in any number of horrific ways. Over the years I’ve come to trust his training and accept his chosen profession to the point that I’m a great Cop’s wife. I love my Cop with all my heart and I will support him every step of the way. I’ve become so incredibly proud of him and the job he does everyday locking up dirt bags and keeping the streets safe in our little town.
A friend of mine, who is now engaged to a cop, absolutely refused to date her fiance when she met him because he was cop. Like me, she didn’t think she could handle it. He persisted and over many months he was able to persuade her to go out on a date with him. She still struggles with it even though she loves him very much. I figure she’ll be okay with it in another year or so but it can’t be easy for him to have to bottle the things he sometimes has to deal with on the job up because he’s afraid to worry her.
Nowadays Cops and Fire Fighters have easier options for finding women who will accept and support them in their chosen careers. They can join an Online Dating Site like Uniform2Love.com and find women who are interested in men in that line of work. It’s sure as hell a lot easier than convincing some unsuspecting woman that it’ll be no big deal to risk losing the man in her life to a crazed gunman or blazing fire. The women on that site are actively seeking men in those careers and some of them are actually Cops or Fire Fighters themselves and in that case they will truly understand the pressures that go along with the job.
So if you’re single and you’ve chosen a career in Law Enforcement or Fire Fighting I would highly recommend joining Uniform2Love.com just to make things in your love life that much more simple.
Online Military Dating Sites are very popular. You might be surprised by how many non Military women join these sites. Soldiers are considered by many to be highly desirable. Who doesn’t find the idea of a brave, selfless hero to be extremely attractive? There’s something else about soldiers that can draw women to them. They have a job and they have a purpose. Not that having money has anything to do with it. I think we all know that soldiers aren’t usually rolling in dough but they do have income and they aren’t losers. As the saying goes the Military makes men out of boys. Yes, I know that a lot of soldiers can act as silly as frat boys do but going to war is very stressful and sometimes they need a little comic relief.
My own father was an aimless hoodlum when a judge ordered that he either join the Military or go to jail. Of course he chose the Military and being a tough guy he enlisted in the Marine Corps. That was back in 1961 when that kind of thing was pretty common. Of course now days that kind of thing doesn’t happen anymore. When my dad came out of the Corps in 1963 as a grown up, responsible man he married my mother 2 months later. My mother had known him before he was in the Military and would have nothing to do with him but while he was home on leave she saw him and saw that he had changed and agreed to go on a date with him.
With the features offered on Soldier2Love.com like Mobile Dating as well as Virtual Dating even a deployed soldier can easily meet and get to know singles back home. What better way for a lonely soldier to spend his down time than going on Virtual Dates with potential love interests from back home? I would imagine that that would be a nice break for someone so far away from home. Any feelings of isolation and loneliness can be greatly reduced if you have a girl from back home to email, call and Virtual Date and wouldn’t it be nice to have a girl to come home to?
So if you’re a Soldier yourself or a woman looking for her own hero to love you should check out Soldier2Love.com and see if there’s anyone there you find interesting.
As a final note I would like to thank our Soldiers for their service. You are true heroes and you, more than anyone, deserve to be loved and adored. I sincerely wish you good luck in your quest for love.
For a few weeks now I’ve been doing some research on dating in your forties and what I’ve seen can be very discouraging. There are rants about it on Craigs List and negativity about it abounds. I just don’t get it. It must be that those who find love and happiness after forty don’t run around posting about it on the internet. Although, quite a few of the Love Stories that I’ve posted on this blog were about people in their late thirties and forties.
Yes, it’s absolutely true that you can find love even after forty. I honestly don’t think it’s any more difficult than finding love at any other age. Maybe it’s that too many people are set in their ways or locked into certain behaviors and preferences so it’s more difficult for them to mesh with new people. I think the reality is that most of us actually grow more patient as we age and it’s just a noisy minority of people who write about their negative experiences with dating after forty.
Sure having kids can make it more difficult and seems to put more on the line when it comes to relationships. Most responsible parents want to protect their children from heart-break and feelings of abandonment in the event that the relationship doesn’t work out. There are those times when you bring someone around that you’re casually dating and the kids seem to bond with them more than you do and it’s probably a good idea to try to avoid that. Also, as a parent you have less time to go out on dates. You can’t just agree to a Friday night date on the spot because you need to work out a sitter or attend your kid’s soccer game.
How do you get around these kinds of things? Well, you can start by joining an online dating site and getting to know people online before you get to know them in person. Using the telephone and email is a lot easier for those of us with limited time and the need to protect our children’s hearts. At FortiesLove.com you can also use the Virtual Dating feature to have a few dates online before you even talk on the phone. It’s easy to sit down at your computer while the kids are in bed or out doing whatever it is kids do and get to know perspective dates without any hassle. There’s also Mobile Dating available there so you can search or interact with singles while you’re on the go.
While you’re meeting perspective dates in the virtual realm you can find out what a person is about and what it is they are looking for. You can get to know them in a totally relaxed environment without the nerves of a real first date. Then if you decide you do like them, your first in person date will go much more smoothly because you already know the person you’re going out with.
Okay, now that we’ve covered how to meet other singles, we’ll discuss something else I came across in my research. I found that a lot of men complain that women in their forties are too motherly for them. They want a woman who is mature but still able to cut loose and have fun. This is another complaint that I just don’t get. I am 42 years old and most of my friends are either in their forties or they’re pushing it hard. Not a single one of us is “motherly” to people other than our own children. We still have a sense of fun and like to laugh and be silly. I’m always telling people that I’m 42 going on fourteen and it’s true! Well on second thought, I do have a couple of friends that take life too seriously but ya know what? They ALWAYS did that. Maybe you guys are just meeting those kinds of women. Come on, we all know those people who are just too serious. It’s not even just women, there are lots of men like that too and it has to do more with personality than age.
So if you meet someone online who just seems too serious for you just move on to the next one. It’s a lot easier than going out on an actual date. There will be no awkward moment at the end of your virtual date where you’re worried they will try to kiss you or expect you to kiss them and there won’t be any screening of your calls for the next week or two. That goes for every complaint you can come up with. If someone is not a good match for you then move on and find someone who is. People these days seem to think that finding a romantic partner should be like buying peanut butter. There are way more choices out there than creamy or chunky so keep looking until you find the one that works for you!
If you’re in your forties and read this and realized that you’ve become too serious, lighten up and have some fun! Plan dates that will bring out your fun side. Go rent bikes or go roller skating. Go to an amusement park or go out dancing. Dating should be fun so you can truly relax and get to know each other in your natural, relaxed, state. Going out to dinner is fine too but why not save that for another date? I have always hated eating on a first date. I feel so on the spot and self-conscious and that is NOT a natural state for me! What is a natural state for me is dripping salsa or something greasy across my lap and chest while I’m nervously eating. Yes, I am a clutz and it’s much more enjoyable to fall on my butt roller skating than it is to spend the rest of my date with a big stain on my shirt. Stop being so worried about acting foolish and remember, you’re in your forties not your seventies. You’re still young enough to go out and play in the sunshine.
If you are one of those serious people don’t feel bad. It’s just who you are and there are other serious people out there for you. Heck you may even find a silly person that you click with. I’m a life long silly person who’s been married to a serious man for 11 years now! It’s just a matter of knowing what you want or being open to people who are different than you are. Love is a complex emotion based on many different factors. It’s down right unexplainable really. Just get out there and keep looking until you find the one that makes your heart go pitter patter. If you’re relaxed and patient (as I know all you old farts can be) you will find it…. Yeah, that’s right. I called you an old fart. What are you going to do about it, huh? Nothing, because I’ve already skated away… Neener, neener, neener!
A note about FortiesLove.com, It can be used for finding people of any age. You can choose to set it for any age group 18 and up so if you’re in your forties and are open to dating younger or older people you will not be limited to people in their forties. Also, if you’ve packed on some poundage as you’ve gotten older there’s also CurvyLove.com and that’s full of people looking for women with big curves.
This post is about something a lot of singles do when it comes to dating, the tendency to over think things.
Women especially can fall victim to the over thinking monster and that really is what it can be, a monster. We can take a simple statement and turn it into a million things. Wondering what he meant when he said that he didn’t like ice cream much. What did he mean when he said he didn’t like ice cream? Why would he say that? Is he saying I’m fat? No, maybe he just doesn’t like ice cream? Is he saying he thinks I’m cold? Is he saying we’ll never get along because I like ice cream? I wonder if he was hurt by someone when he was eating ice cream?
Okay, so this is a silly example but I think it makes the point that something so simple can be used for hours of self torture and obsessive behavior. It can be turned into all sorts of fuel for a neurotic inner dialogue when maybe, just maybe, he meant exactly what he said and he really just doesn’t like ice cream much!
I think when it comes to relationships some of us are just so freaked out that we grasp at straws and try to make something out of nothing. We’re so afraid of being rejected that we’re on the look out for any little sign that we’re going to get hurt. There’s a line in song called Breathe by Taylor Swift that says “every little bump in the road, I try to swerve.” I think that line perfectly describes what I’m trying to say here.
What we really need to do, instead of swerving like a drunken fool in a demolition derby, is learn to follow our gut instinct when it comes to relationships. You have a little voice inside. You may think you don’t but you do. It’s just that it can be really hard to hear because it just whispers while the over thinking monster screams a thousand things in an attempt to drown that little voice out.
Sometimes our instincts are telling us that a relationship with a person is a really bad idea but we never hear it because we’re busy distracting ourselves over the fact that he doesn’t like ice cream much. Sometimes our instincts are telling us that this is a person we could spend the rest of our life with but we drown it out by over thinking it because getting real with ourselves isn’t something we’re ready to do yet.
Do yourself a favor and teach yourself to go with the flow and stop over thinking every little thing. Let that little voice guide you and you can’t go wrong. Even if you end up getting hurt. What? Yes, even if you end up getting hurt. Sometimes we need to follow a certain path even if the path leads us to a broken heart. There are lessons in every relationship you have and if you just learn to follow that little voice inside every lesson you learn will be a healthy and valuable one that will lead to the right person.
Remember the trick is to stop over thinking and listen for the little voice instead. It may take some time to find it but it’s there.