Single Soldiers

Between the ages of 18 and 22 I lived in an area of Southern California that had several Military Bases. When my friends and I would go to one of the larger local dance clubs we felt like meat on a slab. All those lonely soldiers would vie for our attention. The problem was that we weren’t there looking men. Most of us already had boyfriends. We just wanted to drink, dance in our little group and have a lot of fun. No offense to the Soldiers, but after a while it became a drag having to turn them down constantly.

In today’s world it would have been easy for those Soldiers to have actually brought a date to the club. These days all a lonely Soldier needs to do is join a Dating Site specifically for Single Soldiers and singles interested in meeting them. Not to mention that a deployed Soldier can utilize the Virtual Dating features on a site like Soldier2Love.com to locate and go on a virtual date with singles located anywhere  in the world.

It is my hope that there will be less lonely Soldiers in this world. Our Soldiers sacrifice a lot for us, sometimes everything, so they deserve to find love and be happy. So, to any Soldier reading this, I thank you for your service and I truly hope that I can help you to find the love of your life!

Police and Fire Fighter Dating

When you’re in the Police or Fire Fighter professions your life is at risk on any given day and it takes a special kind of woman to stand by your side. I know that I, myself  always said I was too selfish to be in a relationship with a Cop or a Fire Fighter. My reasoning was that I couldn’t handle them going into harms way whenever the call came. So it shouldn’t come as a shock to you to find out that I am in fact married to a cop. Why should it? Doesn’t life usually work that way?

Let me be clear here. I did not marry a Cop, I married a man with a nice safe profession. He was a Web Product Manager for an internet company when I married him eleven years ago. Five years ago we had a short “discussion” that consisted of two sentences: “I’m going to attend the academy and become a cop. Deal with it.” That was it, I found myself married to a cop.  At first I spent nearly everyday terrified that he would be shot or killed in any number of horrific ways. Over the years I’ve come to trust his training and accept his chosen profession to the point that I’m a great Cop’s wife. I love my Cop with all my heart and I will support him every step of the way. I’ve become so incredibly proud of him and the job he does everyday locking up dirt bags and keeping the streets safe in our little town.

A friend of mine, who is now engaged to a cop, absolutely refused to date her fiance when she met him because he was cop. Like me, she didn’t think she could handle it. He persisted and over many months he was able to persuade her to go out on a date with him. She still struggles with it even though she loves him very much. I figure she’ll be okay with it in another year or so but it can’t be easy for him to have to bottle the things he sometimes has to deal with on the job up because he’s afraid to worry her.

Nowadays Cops and Fire Fighters have easier options for finding women who will accept and support them in their chosen careers. They can join an Online Dating Site like  Uniform2Love.com and find women who are interested in men in that line of work. It’s sure as hell a lot easier than convincing some unsuspecting woman that it’ll be no big deal to risk losing the man in her life to a crazed gunman or blazing fire. The women on that site are actively seeking men in those careers and some of them are actually Cops or Fire Fighters themselves and in that case they will truly understand the pressures that go along with the job.

So if you’re single and  you’ve chosen a career in Law Enforcement or Fire Fighting I would highly recommend joining  Uniform2Love.com  just to make things in your love life that much more simple.

Go With The Flow

Ice Cream Dessert

Image via Wikipedia

  This post is about something a lot of  singles do when it comes to dating, the tendency to over think things.

  Women especially can fall victim to the over thinking monster and that really is what it can be, a monster.  We can take a simple statement and turn it into a million things. Wondering what he meant when he said that he didn’t like ice cream much. What did he mean when he said he didn’t like ice cream? Why would he say that? Is he saying I’m fat?  No, maybe he just doesn’t like ice cream? Is he saying he thinks I’m cold? Is he saying we’ll never get along because I like ice cream? I wonder if he was hurt by someone when he was eating ice cream?

  Okay, so this is a silly example but I think it makes the point that something so simple can be used for hours of self torture and obsessive behavior. It can be turned into all sorts of fuel for a neurotic inner dialogue when maybe, just maybe, he meant exactly what he said and he really just doesn’t like ice cream much!

  I think when it comes to relationships some of us are just so freaked out that we grasp at straws and try to make something out of nothing.  We’re so afraid of being rejected that we’re on the look out for any little sign that we’re going to get hurt.  There’s a line in song called Breathe by Taylor Swift that says  “every little bump in the road, I try to swerve.”  I think that line perfectly describes what I’m trying to say here. 

  What we really need to do, instead of swerving like a drunken fool in a demolition derby, is learn to follow our gut instinct when it comes to relationships.  You have a little voice inside. You may think you don’t but you do. It’s just that it can be really hard to hear because it just whispers while the over thinking monster screams a thousand things in an attempt to drown that little voice out. 

  Sometimes our instincts are telling us that a relationship with a person is a really bad idea but we never hear it because we’re busy distracting ourselves over the fact that he doesn’t like ice cream much.  Sometimes our instincts are telling us that this is a person we could spend the rest of our life with but we drown it out by over thinking it because getting real with ourselves  isn’t something we’re ready to do yet.

  Do yourself a favor and teach yourself to go with the flow and stop over thinking every little thing.  Let that little voice guide you and you can’t go wrong.  Even if you end up getting hurt.  What? Yes, even if you end up getting hurt.  Sometimes we need to follow a certain path even if the path leads us to a broken heart.  There are lessons in every relationship you have and if you just learn to follow that little voice inside every lesson you learn will be a healthy and valuable one that will lead to the right person.

  Remember the trick is to stop over thinking and listen for the little voice instead. It may take some time to find it but it’s there. 

The Skinny On BBW’s

Over the years I’ve owned and promoted several online dating sites. These dating sites usually have a niche. Some are geared toward the Military singles and their admirers, Some are for Police and Firemen singles and their admirers. In fact I have had several different kinds of Online Dating Sites.  My favorite Online Dating Site is and always has been my BBW site CurvyLove.com. Why you wonder? Well not only am I not a skinny girl myself but online BBW dating turns the biggest profit! That’s right girls, men will pay to find a beautiful girl with a nice rounded, soft and squishy body,  just like yours.

The world of online dating promotion can be a tough one. It seems shocking that BBW dating is where the money is but the truth is that it is so popular that the market it actually over saturated.  There are too many BBW sites out there competing for your dollars. It can be rough getting a new BBW site off the ground because Sites like CurvyLove.com have been around for so many years and already have so many members finding success, that it’s rough to compete with them.

Whenever I run into some mean spirited Neanderthal who thinks an attractive woman’s body should resemble a 12 year old boy’s body I make it a point to tell him what I do for a living and where the money is. They’re always shocked and appalled and I always tell them to get with modern times. The days of boy hips and visible abs on a woman being attractive are over for most people, if they ever even really existed.  Hollywood and the fashion industry are the last two hold outs for anorexia being a part of the beauty standard but guess what? The public in general seems to be moving past that woman hating trend.

Curves are where it’s at. A look into modern day high schools will show you that. All across America you see cheer leaders who are bigger and curvier than they were just 10 years ago. Gone are the days where a girl was treated as an outcast, no matter how pretty she was, just because she was bigger than a size 8. Now days big girls can be considered pretty and even be popular if they just take care of themselves and carry themselves with confidence.

Some people also like to say we aren’t healthy. The truth is that medical science is starting to see that being “fit” does not automatically mean someone is healthy. More and more studies and articles are starting to show that weight does not necessarily have anything to do with being healthy. There are big people out there that are more healthy than thin people.  I’ve always had healthy cholesterol levels and normal blood pressure and most certainly not all of my thin friends can say that!

I believe that in time Hollywood will catch up with the rest of us. The success of actresses like Kate Winslet will eventually get to them. Kate is by NO means a big girl but she absolutely refuses to starve herself into a size zero and it has not hurt her career at all. Hollywood already accepts a bigger black woman and has for a long time. I think the reason for that is because the bigger black women who make it in Hollywood carry themselves with confidence and refuse to be put down and considered less of a person because of their size.

The rest of us should learn from them. I’m no less attractive or important than that woman in the bathroom bringing up the contents of her lunch. I’m no less attractive or important than that woman who lives at the gym trying to burn off every calorie she can. I am as attractive and important as I want to be so long as I can see my own beauty and value. No one in this world has the power to make me feel less about myself and the sooner we all start to see ourselves in this way the more the world will have to step aside and let us big girls shine no matter what the color of our skin is.

The truth is that people who judge others harshly do it because they themselves are insecure and putting others down is nothing but a lame attempt to bring themselves up. Why, why, WHY would any of us ever want to listen to someone like that? I say let them go on feeling and acting small because we will come out big and take over the world.  

(Note to the thin women out there. I do not mean to offend you in any way. You must take into consideration the fact that society has a way of making bigger girls feel unworthy and it’s about time we consider ALL people of ALL sizes valuable members of society. If you took offense to any of this I am sorry but everything I said is the truth as I see it. A size zero may be natural to a few women but most women have to suffer to achieve it.)

Love Is Interracial

The newest link I’ve added to my blog is  LoveIsInterracial.com.  If you think about it, love is not about the color of your skin.  Love comes from the heart.  It’s about attraction, a certain spark or chemistry and people’s race or culture really does not matter.  If the attraction is there then that’s all that matters and thankfully in our world today, most people seem to value love more than they value the old ways of thinking. 

I actually admire couples from days gone by who were strong enough to stand  up and love who they loved even if they were different colors and society frowned upon it.  I have a cousin who was with a black man in the 1970′s and 80′s and had children with him.  My grandparents, who were old Texans who’d migrated to California during the dust bowl, could have very easily “disowned” her and her children and anyone would have thought they would, but they didn’t.  Even though it seemed like something they could never accept they took it all in stride as much as they could.  They loved their granddaughter and their great grand children just as much as they loved the rest of us.  Perhaps it was this example that helped me have the opinion I have today on interracial couples.  I watched my cousins little girl grow up. Seeing her pictures and seeing her every few years and I always thought she was, by far, the prettiest girl in our family.

When I had a child of my own she was 14 years old by the time I realized something kind of bizarre.  Throughout her life her best friends were always mixed race.  Honestly I thought so little about it that it took me that long to notice.  I might have gone my entire life without ever noticing if the kids in the small town we now live in, weren’t harassing my daughter’s best friend for “being half black.”   They would say things in front of her about other black kids being thieves and thugs then say to her “Oh well, not you, we know you and we know you aren’t like that.”  After she got offended and stood up for herself they got even worse.  As accepting as the world is today about interracial couples there are still ignorant people out there who choose to hate because they don’t understand love and they just can’t seem to accept that the world is moving past the old ways of thinking about race.

When my daughter was in the first grade I was driving her home from school one day and out of the blue she asked me what I would do if when she was older she brought home a black boyfriend.  After being shocked about such a grown up thought from such a small child, I answered that I didn’t care what color he was so long and he treated her with love and respect and I meant it.

Here’s the way I see it. None of us choose what we are attracted to. We also don’t choose what repulses us.  Those things come from something deep inside our brains.  I like men with dark hair. I don’t like men with blonde eyelashes. I like men who are very intelligent. I don’t like men with bubble butts that walk kind of leaned forward, lol.  I did not sit down one day and tell myself that these were going to be the things that attract me or repulse me.  It just kind of happened. I don’t think attraction is a choice.  I think certain things just appeal to us and if we want to be happy we have no choice but follow our hearts.  I think that people sometimes live their lives in fear of being judged so they turn it around and judge everyone around them instead. I also believe that sometimes people let society choose for them.  I’m sure there are lots of people out there who have been attracted to someone from another race but they chose to ignore it for fear of being  judged.  To me that is very sad because we need to let love be our guide not hatred and racism.

To the people out there like my cousin I say good for you! Good for you for standing up to society and loving the people you love and ignoring the haters!  To the black men and women out there who choose to love white men and women even though some people from your community judge you harshly I say stand up for what you love and don’t let them bring you down.  Sure, I understand being proud of your race but racism is racism from both directions and it’s just not right. Love is love and the color of our skin should have nothing to do with it. So stand up and do what is in your heart because you are better than they are. You are more evolved because you see love not hate and that my friends is a beautiful thing no matter how much some people try to make it ugly. 

www.LoveIsInterracial.com

 

How To Attract A Good Woman

I hear it all the time,  Single men are constantly telling me they can’t find a good woman.  They tell me they only attract the crazy ones, or the crazy ugly ones, or the crazy losers.  I’m not going to spend this post telling you where to meet them. I think I’ve covered that but I will say it just one more time. There are links to good, quality, honest and feature loaded dating sites at the top of this page.  Even if you browse singles and don’t see anyone you’re interested in today, keep checking back because your dream girl could join at any time.

Okay, that’s out of the way, so let’s get down to it boys.  If you want to attract and keep a good stable woman…………..you have to be a good stable man.  Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Your friend “Joe” has a good stable woman and he’s a douche.  Well what you don’t realize is that either that good stable woman is seriously flawed, and they aren’t telling you, or he’s about to turn her into one of those psycho chicks you keep running into.

Now, when I say you have to be a good stable man I don’t mean that you have to be rich. I just mean you need to be decently employed or in school studying for your stable future.  Don’t get all up in arms at me thinking a good woman would look past all that, blah blah blah. No, I’m sorry but good stable people are good stable people because they demand certain qualities in life and in the people around them.  When I say qualities I don’t mean money necessarily. It could mean ethics, religion, ambition or even just pride. Proud people don’t live on their friends couches. You don’t have to be super successful in your career to get the girl either.  You just have to have a serious life plan and  be working toward your goals. That’s usually good enough. 

Decent, smart, stable women are attracted to men who share those same qualities.  Think about it guys, no one wants to end up supporting some guy who can’t keep a job or take care of himself. Do you really blame us for that?  Just show us that you’re capable of keeping a decent job and pulling your own weight and most of us are happy campers. Sure there are plenty of gold diggers out there but we’re talking about GOOD women here, not prostitutes who hide behind  wife/girl friend labels.

Another thing is you need to demand that she be good and decent.  If you’re dating a girl and she starts to show signs of being crazy or a liar,  get away fast and move on. Don’t stick around for the great crazy chick sex either, just get out quickly before you get even more tangled up in her drama.  Then look back and ask yourself some honest questions.  Did you cause her to get crazy by cheating? Did you do something to bring out her insecurities? Were you hyper critical of her? If every single woman you date turns out to be crazy you may want to examine these questions, and more, a little more deeply.

Something else you may be thinking about is what if you get the good woman then lose your job? Would she leave you if you weren’t able to find another one quickly? Usually not but I can’t promise you that every woman who seems good truly is good.  I can just tell you that when I met my husband, he happened to be making good money.  I say “happened” because honestly I didn’t care what a man made so long as I wasn’t having to support him.  Anyway, with the economy the way it’s been for the last 10+ years (I’m starting that back at the dot com crash that hit us so hard) he has never been able to make that kind of money since.  There have been years, yes years, where he wasn’t able to find decent work.  I worked and carried us through those times and at no point did I ever even consider divorce because I knew he wasn’t a  loser and eventually he’d find something and of course he did.

So you see, a good man attracted and held onto a good woman even through the worst  financial stresses.  Love grows strongest through stability.  The romanticized stuff about hard times bringing you closer is a load of poop because for most people hard times cause a huge strain on the relationship.  I think that’s partly why smart stable women demand stable men.  I find it highly interesting that stable men don’t always demand stability in women but then again, that’s your problem here isn’t it????

Just in case there are some women reading this, the same goes for you sister. Get your act together BEFORE you look for a man and you’ll be amazed just how stable a man you can find.

Say it with me people, and say it until it’s ingrained into your brains: STABILITY IS SEXY!  INSTABILITY IS YUCKY!   STABILITY IS SEXY!  INSTABILITY IS YUCKY!  STABILITY IS SEXY!  INSTABILITY IS YUCKY!

If you are already a good stable man then focus on the part of this that said to demand stability in your women.  Show some confidence! You’re a good stable man and that makes you a great catch!   Demand a good quality woman and leave the crazies to the douches out there who deserve the drama!

So get your life together then go out there and find yourself some love and happiness because after you do all that work you will deserve nothing but the best right?  Right.

Disclaimer: All women have hormones. All women are allowed to be slightly crazy for one week a month.  Unless you are dealing with a menopausal woman. She is entitled to a few years of craziness and really, by the time that comes around you must forgive her for it after all she has done for you. :-P

A Call For Your Stories

Hello to all.  Just a short blog today to ask if any of you have any of your own Dating Site or other Internet romance stories you would like to see posted on my blog.  Have you used a dating site before? Did you go on any memorable dates?  Did you meet any psycho Singles in a chat room?  I can change names and will edit it for you so you don’t have to worry about grammar or any typos.   Either Love Stories or Horror Stories would be truly appreciated!  Thanks a lot and have a great day… :-)

Please Email your stories to AmericanCurvyGirl@gmail.com  and make the subject “My Story” and thanks again!

Advantages of Online Dating

  As you read through the Love Stories in my previous blog posts you probably wonder how it is so many people fell so head over heels for each other before they ever met in person.  It really is common  for two people to feel totally connected when they meet online. I myself have been there, so I’ve put quite a lot of thought into why it seems to happen to so many couples who met Online. I believe the reason is because when you meet someone online and get to know them in that realm,  you have nothing else to do but get to know each other.  

  You see, when you meet someone the old fashioned way you generally start out on a date, at a party, a club, a bar or any other number of places. With all of that there are a lot of distractions. Other friends, waiters, bartenders, television, music or just people in general are all around you so your focus is generally a little more scattered.

  A direct example of this is if you and your date go to dinner and a movie. Sure you spend about three to four hours together but most of that time your focus is on the movie, the menu, the waiter or other people in the restaraunt. Very little of that time is spent getting to know each other. To the contrary, when you meet someone online there is nothing else to do at all but to get to know each other. I would go so far as to say that three to four hours of talking online or on the phone is equal to six to eight traditional dates.  Also you don’t have the added distraction or stress of wondering if there’s spinach in your teeth or if your hair is sticking up, or whether there’s a candy cane stuck to your butt from sitting on it in his messy car. (Sadly that’s a true story and it happened to me on my VERY first date when I was a teenager. Shup! Stop laughing at me! It was bad enough at the time it happened and people were pointing and laughing at completely oblivious little ol’ me!) It’s just a lot easier and way more comfortable to just relax and enjoy the process of learning about each other when you get to know each other online first.

  Many couples who meet online get really comfortable with each other before they ever meet in person. What that does is make them almost instantly comfortable with each other when they do meet face to face. I’m not going to say there isn’t  any nervousness or awkwardness at all when you finally do go on that first real life date but I will say the awkwardness and nervous feelings dissapate much faster when you’ve already made that deep connection online and on the phone before actually meeting.

  This is why Virtual Dating works so well for people. It provides the perfect medium for getting to know each other in the comfort of your own seperate homes. I must admit that when I first heard of Virtual Dating I thought it was a little weird. I wondered how it could produce such fantastic results for couples who choose to do it. Then I realized that what it can do is slow down the pace of online dating while at the same time it can speed up and intensify the connection the couple feels toward each other.

  The old way of online dating was that you saw someone’s profile, made contact through email then set up a real life date not really knowing who that person is. With Virtual Dating you can slow down that process and get to know that person you’re  interested in before you go on the actual date. It saves you the time and the hassle of going on dates with people you really don’t feel a connection with. However, if it is someone you CAN connect with it actually speeds up that connection allowing for a much more comfortable real life date.

  Do you now understand the allure of meeting online? Do you get this whole Virtual Dating thing now that I’ve laid it out step by step?  I certainly hope so because explaining all of this made my brain hurt a little…lol. Also keep in mind that all four of the dating sites at the top of this page offer Virtual Dating so there’s no need to go out hunting for a site that offers it.  So once again I say to you Single People, go on out there and find yourselves some love!

First Date Jitters?

   I see a LOT of rules about dating out there. I know people mean well when they give you advice about what not to do on a first date but are those rules really necessary?

  There are so many do’s and don’ts out there that it’s no wonder a first date can be a truly frightening experience.  We can end up spending the entire date second guessing and over thinking every word that comes out of our mouth!  God forbid there be someone with a baby at a near by table. You might accidentally let it slip that the baby is cute and your date will probably assume that you’re out to get married and have six babies of your own, OH NO!

  And what if you accidentally let it slip that you have an ex? Nooooooo! You can’t do that! On this night you’re supposed to pretend that you just hatched this morning so you have absolutely zero baggage.  The first date is supposed to give the impression that you are perfection personified.  It’s a night for putting your best face on and pretending you aren’t anything like yourself.

  According to all the best intentioned advice out there for daters you are supposed to almost lie about who you are and how you feel.  You’re supposed to let people “get to know you” before you start talking about who you really are and what you really want from your personal relationships.  My question is how can someone get to know you if you aren’t putting your true self out there?

  Then there’s the dreaded after date drama. The game of men waiting two days before they call and women agonizing whether or not they should pick up the phone and call him instead. Come on, we’ve all done this so you know exactly what I’m talking about.  The what to do after the date dilemma is almost worse than the phony date part! Here’s my rule about when to call: Call when you want to call.  Don’t start off a relationship playing games even if society says you should. If they wanted you to call they will be happy you’ve done it. If they didn’t want you to call then you will find out that bit of information even sooner, right?

  I’m sorry but for me all this stuff is just total B.S.  I think we should just be ourselves from the get go.  If the attraction and chemistry is there and it’s meant to be, there will be NOTHING you can say that will ruin it. What can ruin the date is the stress of trying to hide your true self. How many nervous daters have done something stupid and out of character like drinking one too many cocktails and acting like a drunken fool on the first date?  Although, even if that happens I still contend that if it’s meant to be it will be and your date will forgive you even for that if they like you.

  If what you really want in life is a big family just say it. Wouldn’t it be better to know if the person you’re dating never wants children from the start so you don’t waste your time going on three dates and possibly getting attached to someone who is not a match?  Do you really want to start liking someone before you find out that your goals in life will never match up?  

Let me back up what I’m saying with a real life story. 

  The night I met my husband on the internet he spent no less than two hours lamenting to me over something his last girlfriend did to him!  Yes I was bored silly with the conversation and yes I thought okay, you’re being a bit of a weirdo, but guess what? The attraction was there and I didn’t really blame him for being upset that she hacked his email account and stalked him (See “Horror Story: When Harry met Hairy” for the whole story) so I understood why he was so upset.

  Then on our first date he actually FARTED!  I remember thinking “Ummmmm did he just let one rip???? Ummm well I guess he’s comfortable with me!” So I just smiled, moved away a little, and pretended not to notice.  I should have taken that as an omen for things to come but I still love him   eleven years later gas and all…lol.

  I think I’ve made my point. Just be yourself and if it’s meant to be it will be.  Don’t waste your time pretending to be someone or something you’re not and just let the chips fall where they may.  People truly interested in the real YOU will not be afraid or put off  by the real you. 

Isn’t that what love is all about anyway? Finding someone to love you for you, even if you’re gassy or want marriage and six children.

Getting Real With Ourselves

When I was younger I used to wonder why I could never find a happy, fulfilling relationship.  I was so lonely and miserable even when I had a boyfriend.  Part of the problem was I was attracted to bad boys.  Like a lot of people out there I over looked nice people. I wasn’t attracted to men who weren’t a challenge.  At the same time, though it seems contradictory, I wanted men who wanted me.  In other words,  if an attractive bad boy wanted me, I wanted him.  I didn’t stop to ask myself what I liked about them and if they were good for me. I just went with the flow.

During that time I would hope and pray I would find someone who would truly love me. Then off I’d go in hot pursuit of another bad boy, hoping he would change his bad ways and fall head over heels in love with me.  The problem was that I did catch quite a few of those bad boys and all they did was make me miserable.  I went from heart break to heart break feeling unimportant, lonely and down right unlovable. I was always blaming myself too. Beating myself up and dragging myself down thinking I was too fat or too stupid or too something.

Don’t get me wrong here. I wasn’t entirely miserable. I had a lot of fun in those days too.  I was happy in my life in general it was only the love department that made me miserable.  I’ve lived a life full of crazy laughter and fun but something was definitely missing.  I think the truth was that even though I secretly pined for someone to love me and sometimes cried myself to sleep at night because I was lonely, I didn’t really want that.   Some part of me was very aware that I did not want to settle down. It was that subconscious knowledge that kept me interested in those bad boys. 

Something else I find interesting is that we’ve all noticed that when we’re single and looking  it seems like the opposite sex seems less than interested in us. Yet, the minute we’re in a committed relationship the opposite sex seems to wake up to our greatness and find us suddenly appealing.  People have theorized that it’s because we stop giving off a desperate vibe. I have my own theory on this. I think it’s because a lot of people tend to want what we can’t have because  they aren’t ready for love.  I think we make a lot of decisions about love on a subconscious level. 

The biggest problem comes when we truly are ready for love yet we hold onto our old self destructive habits.  I know for me it was slow process of awakening that ended with an epiphany.  It suddenly occurred to me after months of soul searching, what I had been doing for years.  I realized that when I met men who might offer me a healthy and happy relationship I just wasn’t interested in them at all.  I hadn’t done any of this by setting standards too high, like many people do, I had done it by being completely and utterly uninterested in nice guys.  You know, the kind of guy that can promise to love you forever and never leave you and actually mean it.

The night of my epiphany I decided that I was going to be open to nice guys.  I wasn’t going to shut them out or blow them off as desperate losers. I was going to get serious about finding real, healthy, happy love.  Two days later (I kid you not) I met the man who has been my husband for the last 11 years. It’s amazing what can happen when you start getting real with yourself and open yourself up to realistic possibilities isn’t it?

As for those women who tell me they just can’t help chasing bad boys, I say to them that ALL men have a bad boy streak.  Even the nicest guy in the world has some bad boy hidden in there somewhere. Just hang around long enough and you’ll find it and trust me, it’s worth it.

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