I see a LOT of rules about dating out there. I know people mean well when they give you advice about what not to do on a first date but are those rules really necessary?
There are so many do’s and don’ts out there that it’s no wonder a first date can be a truly frightening experience. We can end up spending the entire date second guessing and over thinking every word that comes out of our mouth! God forbid there be someone with a baby at a near by table. You might accidentally let it slip that the baby is cute and your date will probably assume that you’re out to get married and have six babies of your own, OH NO!
And what if you accidentally let it slip that you have an ex? Nooooooo! You can’t do that! On this night you’re supposed to pretend that you just hatched this morning so you have absolutely zero baggage. The first date is supposed to give the impression that you are perfection personified. It’s a night for putting your best face on and pretending you aren’t anything like yourself.
According to all the best intentioned advice out there for daters you are supposed to almost lie about who you are and how you feel. You’re supposed to let people “get to know you” before you start talking about who you really are and what you really want from your personal relationships. My question is how can someone get to know you if you aren’t putting your true self out there?
Then there’s the dreaded after date drama. The game of men waiting two days before they call and women agonizing whether or not they should pick up the phone and call him instead. Come on, we’ve all done this so you know exactly what I’m talking about. The what to do after the date dilemma is almost worse than the phony date part! Here’s my rule about when to call: Call when you want to call. Don’t start off a relationship playing games even if society says you should. If they wanted you to call they will be happy you’ve done it. If they didn’t want you to call then you will find out that bit of information even sooner, right?
I’m sorry but for me all this stuff is just total B.S. I think we should just be ourselves from the get go. If the attraction and chemistry is there and it’s meant to be, there will be NOTHING you can say that will ruin it. What can ruin the date is the stress of trying to hide your true self. How many nervous daters have done something stupid and out of character like drinking one too many cocktails and acting like a drunken fool on the first date? Although, even if that happens I still contend that if it’s meant to be it will be and your date will forgive you even for that if they like you.
If what you really want in life is a big family just say it. Wouldn’t it be better to know if the person you’re dating never wants children from the start so you don’t waste your time going on three dates and possibly getting attached to someone who is not a match? Do you really want to start liking someone before you find out that your goals in life will never match up?
Let me back up what I’m saying with a real life story.
The night I met my husband on the internet he spent no less than two hours lamenting to me over something his last girlfriend did to him! Yes I was bored silly with the conversation and yes I thought okay, you’re being a bit of a weirdo, but guess what? The attraction was there and I didn’t really blame him for being upset that she hacked his email account and stalked him (See “Horror Story: When Harry met Hairy” for the whole story) so I understood why he was so upset.
Then on our first date he actually FARTED! I remember thinking “Ummmmm did he just let one rip???? Ummm well I guess he’s comfortable with me!” So I just smiled, moved away a little, and pretended not to notice. I should have taken that as an omen for things to come but I still love him eleven years later gas and all…lol.
I think I’ve made my point. Just be yourself and if it’s meant to be it will be. Don’t waste your time pretending to be someone or something you’re not and just let the chips fall where they may. People truly interested in the real YOU will not be afraid or put off by the real you.
Isn’t that what love is all about anyway? Finding someone to love you for you, even if you’re gassy or want marriage and six children.
