Police and Fire Fighter Dating

When you’re in the Police or Fire Fighter professions your life is at risk on any given day and it takes a special kind of woman to stand by your side. I know that I, myself  always said I was too selfish to be in a relationship with a Cop or a Fire Fighter. My reasoning was that I couldn’t handle them going into harms way whenever the call came. So it shouldn’t come as a shock to you to find out that I am in fact married to a cop. Why should it? Doesn’t life usually work that way?

Let me be clear here. I did not marry a Cop, I married a man with a nice safe profession. He was a Web Product Manager for an internet company when I married him eleven years ago. Five years ago we had a short “discussion” that consisted of two sentences: “I’m going to attend the academy and become a cop. Deal with it.” That was it, I found myself married to a cop.  At first I spent nearly everyday terrified that he would be shot or killed in any number of horrific ways. Over the years I’ve come to trust his training and accept his chosen profession to the point that I’m a great Cop’s wife. I love my Cop with all my heart and I will support him every step of the way. I’ve become so incredibly proud of him and the job he does everyday locking up dirt bags and keeping the streets safe in our little town.

A friend of mine, who is now engaged to a cop, absolutely refused to date her fiance when she met him because he was cop. Like me, she didn’t think she could handle it. He persisted and over many months he was able to persuade her to go out on a date with him. She still struggles with it even though she loves him very much. I figure she’ll be okay with it in another year or so but it can’t be easy for him to have to bottle the things he sometimes has to deal with on the job up because he’s afraid to worry her.

Nowadays Cops and Fire Fighters have easier options for finding women who will accept and support them in their chosen careers. They can join an Online Dating Site like  Uniform2Love.com and find women who are interested in men in that line of work. It’s sure as hell a lot easier than convincing some unsuspecting woman that it’ll be no big deal to risk losing the man in her life to a crazed gunman or blazing fire. The women on that site are actively seeking men in those careers and some of them are actually Cops or Fire Fighters themselves and in that case they will truly understand the pressures that go along with the job.

So if you’re single and  you’ve chosen a career in Law Enforcement or Fire Fighting I would highly recommend joining  Uniform2Love.com  just to make things in your love life that much more simple.

The Skinny On BBW’s

Over the years I’ve owned and promoted several online dating sites. These dating sites usually have a niche. Some are geared toward the Military singles and their admirers, Some are for Police and Firemen singles and their admirers. In fact I have had several different kinds of Online Dating Sites.  My favorite Online Dating Site is and always has been my BBW site CurvyLove.com. Why you wonder? Well not only am I not a skinny girl myself but online BBW dating turns the biggest profit! That’s right girls, men will pay to find a beautiful girl with a nice rounded, soft and squishy body,  just like yours.

The world of online dating promotion can be a tough one. It seems shocking that BBW dating is where the money is but the truth is that it is so popular that the market it actually over saturated.  There are too many BBW sites out there competing for your dollars. It can be rough getting a new BBW site off the ground because Sites like CurvyLove.com have been around for so many years and already have so many members finding success, that it’s rough to compete with them.

Whenever I run into some mean spirited Neanderthal who thinks an attractive woman’s body should resemble a 12 year old boy’s body I make it a point to tell him what I do for a living and where the money is. They’re always shocked and appalled and I always tell them to get with modern times. The days of boy hips and visible abs on a woman being attractive are over for most people, if they ever even really existed.  Hollywood and the fashion industry are the last two hold outs for anorexia being a part of the beauty standard but guess what? The public in general seems to be moving past that woman hating trend.

Curves are where it’s at. A look into modern day high schools will show you that. All across America you see cheer leaders who are bigger and curvier than they were just 10 years ago. Gone are the days where a girl was treated as an outcast, no matter how pretty she was, just because she was bigger than a size 8. Now days big girls can be considered pretty and even be popular if they just take care of themselves and carry themselves with confidence.

Some people also like to say we aren’t healthy. The truth is that medical science is starting to see that being “fit” does not automatically mean someone is healthy. More and more studies and articles are starting to show that weight does not necessarily have anything to do with being healthy. There are big people out there that are more healthy than thin people.  I’ve always had healthy cholesterol levels and normal blood pressure and most certainly not all of my thin friends can say that!

I believe that in time Hollywood will catch up with the rest of us. The success of actresses like Kate Winslet will eventually get to them. Kate is by NO means a big girl but she absolutely refuses to starve herself into a size zero and it has not hurt her career at all. Hollywood already accepts a bigger black woman and has for a long time. I think the reason for that is because the bigger black women who make it in Hollywood carry themselves with confidence and refuse to be put down and considered less of a person because of their size.

The rest of us should learn from them. I’m no less attractive or important than that woman in the bathroom bringing up the contents of her lunch. I’m no less attractive or important than that woman who lives at the gym trying to burn off every calorie she can. I am as attractive and important as I want to be so long as I can see my own beauty and value. No one in this world has the power to make me feel less about myself and the sooner we all start to see ourselves in this way the more the world will have to step aside and let us big girls shine no matter what the color of our skin is.

The truth is that people who judge others harshly do it because they themselves are insecure and putting others down is nothing but a lame attempt to bring themselves up. Why, why, WHY would any of us ever want to listen to someone like that? I say let them go on feeling and acting small because we will come out big and take over the world.  

(Note to the thin women out there. I do not mean to offend you in any way. You must take into consideration the fact that society has a way of making bigger girls feel unworthy and it’s about time we consider ALL people of ALL sizes valuable members of society. If you took offense to any of this I am sorry but everything I said is the truth as I see it. A size zero may be natural to a few women but most women have to suffer to achieve it.)

Love Is Interracial

The newest link I’ve added to my blog is  LoveIsInterracial.com.  If you think about it, love is not about the color of your skin.  Love comes from the heart.  It’s about attraction, a certain spark or chemistry and people’s race or culture really does not matter.  If the attraction is there then that’s all that matters and thankfully in our world today, most people seem to value love more than they value the old ways of thinking. 

I actually admire couples from days gone by who were strong enough to stand  up and love who they loved even if they were different colors and society frowned upon it.  I have a cousin who was with a black man in the 1970′s and 80′s and had children with him.  My grandparents, who were old Texans who’d migrated to California during the dust bowl, could have very easily “disowned” her and her children and anyone would have thought they would, but they didn’t.  Even though it seemed like something they could never accept they took it all in stride as much as they could.  They loved their granddaughter and their great grand children just as much as they loved the rest of us.  Perhaps it was this example that helped me have the opinion I have today on interracial couples.  I watched my cousins little girl grow up. Seeing her pictures and seeing her every few years and I always thought she was, by far, the prettiest girl in our family.

When I had a child of my own she was 14 years old by the time I realized something kind of bizarre.  Throughout her life her best friends were always mixed race.  Honestly I thought so little about it that it took me that long to notice.  I might have gone my entire life without ever noticing if the kids in the small town we now live in, weren’t harassing my daughter’s best friend for “being half black.”   They would say things in front of her about other black kids being thieves and thugs then say to her “Oh well, not you, we know you and we know you aren’t like that.”  After she got offended and stood up for herself they got even worse.  As accepting as the world is today about interracial couples there are still ignorant people out there who choose to hate because they don’t understand love and they just can’t seem to accept that the world is moving past the old ways of thinking about race.

When my daughter was in the first grade I was driving her home from school one day and out of the blue she asked me what I would do if when she was older she brought home a black boyfriend.  After being shocked about such a grown up thought from such a small child, I answered that I didn’t care what color he was so long and he treated her with love and respect and I meant it.

Here’s the way I see it. None of us choose what we are attracted to. We also don’t choose what repulses us.  Those things come from something deep inside our brains.  I like men with dark hair. I don’t like men with blonde eyelashes. I like men who are very intelligent. I don’t like men with bubble butts that walk kind of leaned forward, lol.  I did not sit down one day and tell myself that these were going to be the things that attract me or repulse me.  It just kind of happened. I don’t think attraction is a choice.  I think certain things just appeal to us and if we want to be happy we have no choice but follow our hearts.  I think that people sometimes live their lives in fear of being judged so they turn it around and judge everyone around them instead. I also believe that sometimes people let society choose for them.  I’m sure there are lots of people out there who have been attracted to someone from another race but they chose to ignore it for fear of being  judged.  To me that is very sad because we need to let love be our guide not hatred and racism.

To the people out there like my cousin I say good for you! Good for you for standing up to society and loving the people you love and ignoring the haters!  To the black men and women out there who choose to love white men and women even though some people from your community judge you harshly I say stand up for what you love and don’t let them bring you down.  Sure, I understand being proud of your race but racism is racism from both directions and it’s just not right. Love is love and the color of our skin should have nothing to do with it. So stand up and do what is in your heart because you are better than they are. You are more evolved because you see love not hate and that my friends is a beautiful thing no matter how much some people try to make it ugly. 

www.LoveIsInterracial.com

 

How To Attract A Good Woman

I hear it all the time,  Single men are constantly telling me they can’t find a good woman.  They tell me they only attract the crazy ones, or the crazy ugly ones, or the crazy losers.  I’m not going to spend this post telling you where to meet them. I think I’ve covered that but I will say it just one more time. There are links to good, quality, honest and feature loaded dating sites at the top of this page.  Even if you browse singles and don’t see anyone you’re interested in today, keep checking back because your dream girl could join at any time.

Okay, that’s out of the way, so let’s get down to it boys.  If you want to attract and keep a good stable woman…………..you have to be a good stable man.  Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Your friend “Joe” has a good stable woman and he’s a douche.  Well what you don’t realize is that either that good stable woman is seriously flawed, and they aren’t telling you, or he’s about to turn her into one of those psycho chicks you keep running into.

Now, when I say you have to be a good stable man I don’t mean that you have to be rich. I just mean you need to be decently employed or in school studying for your stable future.  Don’t get all up in arms at me thinking a good woman would look past all that, blah blah blah. No, I’m sorry but good stable people are good stable people because they demand certain qualities in life and in the people around them.  When I say qualities I don’t mean money necessarily. It could mean ethics, religion, ambition or even just pride. Proud people don’t live on their friends couches. You don’t have to be super successful in your career to get the girl either.  You just have to have a serious life plan and  be working toward your goals. That’s usually good enough. 

Decent, smart, stable women are attracted to men who share those same qualities.  Think about it guys, no one wants to end up supporting some guy who can’t keep a job or take care of himself. Do you really blame us for that?  Just show us that you’re capable of keeping a decent job and pulling your own weight and most of us are happy campers. Sure there are plenty of gold diggers out there but we’re talking about GOOD women here, not prostitutes who hide behind  wife/girl friend labels.

Another thing is you need to demand that she be good and decent.  If you’re dating a girl and she starts to show signs of being crazy or a liar,  get away fast and move on. Don’t stick around for the great crazy chick sex either, just get out quickly before you get even more tangled up in her drama.  Then look back and ask yourself some honest questions.  Did you cause her to get crazy by cheating? Did you do something to bring out her insecurities? Were you hyper critical of her? If every single woman you date turns out to be crazy you may want to examine these questions, and more, a little more deeply.

Something else you may be thinking about is what if you get the good woman then lose your job? Would she leave you if you weren’t able to find another one quickly? Usually not but I can’t promise you that every woman who seems good truly is good.  I can just tell you that when I met my husband, he happened to be making good money.  I say “happened” because honestly I didn’t care what a man made so long as I wasn’t having to support him.  Anyway, with the economy the way it’s been for the last 10+ years (I’m starting that back at the dot com crash that hit us so hard) he has never been able to make that kind of money since.  There have been years, yes years, where he wasn’t able to find decent work.  I worked and carried us through those times and at no point did I ever even consider divorce because I knew he wasn’t a  loser and eventually he’d find something and of course he did.

So you see, a good man attracted and held onto a good woman even through the worst  financial stresses.  Love grows strongest through stability.  The romanticized stuff about hard times bringing you closer is a load of poop because for most people hard times cause a huge strain on the relationship.  I think that’s partly why smart stable women demand stable men.  I find it highly interesting that stable men don’t always demand stability in women but then again, that’s your problem here isn’t it????

Just in case there are some women reading this, the same goes for you sister. Get your act together BEFORE you look for a man and you’ll be amazed just how stable a man you can find.

Say it with me people, and say it until it’s ingrained into your brains: STABILITY IS SEXY!  INSTABILITY IS YUCKY!   STABILITY IS SEXY!  INSTABILITY IS YUCKY!  STABILITY IS SEXY!  INSTABILITY IS YUCKY!

If you are already a good stable man then focus on the part of this that said to demand stability in your women.  Show some confidence! You’re a good stable man and that makes you a great catch!   Demand a good quality woman and leave the crazies to the douches out there who deserve the drama!

So get your life together then go out there and find yourself some love and happiness because after you do all that work you will deserve nothing but the best right?  Right.

Disclaimer: All women have hormones. All women are allowed to be slightly crazy for one week a month.  Unless you are dealing with a menopausal woman. She is entitled to a few years of craziness and really, by the time that comes around you must forgive her for it after all she has done for you. :-P

Horror Story: Kissimmee Kelly & The Potty Mouth Lobster Boy

I had some nice conversations with a man I met on Facebook but we were just friends. He wanted to come to Florida and have a visit. We shared many emails and I decided sure why not, come visit. There was no love connection but I was ok with a friendship and a visit that included some “benefits.”  Hey, I’m as modern a girl as anybody, so he booked a flight and I anticipated his arrival.

After picking him up from the airport I found him to be nothing like the person I talked to in email. He was a very abrupt person, very blunt and cursed so much that even a trucker would have been red faced. There was not one sentence he said during his entire visit that did not have a slew of obscenities in it and even the dreaded C word was part of everyday conversation. I too have a “potty” mouth and can put a trucker to shame BUT there is a time and a place!

You would think being “company” some manners would come into play but they just weren’t there. I was meeting the REAL him for the first time. I even took him to meet some of my friends and he was so rude to them that they were shocked.

We had the initial “benefit” on the 1st night he was there, but I can tell you it was awful, dreadful, disgusting … but I digress, I think you get the picture. Anyway, there was no way I wanted to do that again BUT how do you tell someone that has flown all that way and is still going to be staying in your home for another 6 days that there will be no more of that!?!

The best idea I could come up with was keeping him busy and tire him out during the day. I figured the more public places we could go  sightseeing the better. That way I could keep him tired  and then there would less likely be  any touchy feely stuff going on!  Shopping, travels to see people, amusement parks and of course, the beach. We have hot weather and great beaches that I used to my advantage!  He was from Idaho. Think about it, pasty white complexion, HOT beachy weather – my plan worked but it worked WAY better than I could have even anticipated! Day three of his visit we hit the beach, all day! I wear lotsa sun screen because I know better but him being Mr. I Know EVERYTHING didn’t need any, well of course y’all don’t! It’s not that hot (insert evil laugh) Sun burnt from his toes to the top of his head! I mean LOBSTER RED sun burnt! There was no touchy feely, there was no more sex but there was a lot of Holy Shit, damn I am burnt. Haha!

The final day arrived and I was so happy to have my company going home! I was pleasant but I also didn’t want him thinking there was anything more going to happen EVER. We had talked over dinner on his last night here and he was talking about moving here, he hinted at wanting a relationship – Ummmm did we not just spend over a week together? Was he not on the same planet I was during this visit? No I don’t want you to move here.  NO, I don’t want a relationship with you.  No, I don’t want to go visit you…. I was VERY up front before he came to visit and I had to be more a matter of fact when he was leaving that there was no feelings, just friends is all I ever offered and friends is all we would ever be.

Advantages of Online Dating

  As you read through the Love Stories in my previous blog posts you probably wonder how it is so many people fell so head over heels for each other before they ever met in person.  It really is common  for two people to feel totally connected when they meet online. I myself have been there, so I’ve put quite a lot of thought into why it seems to happen to so many couples who met Online. I believe the reason is because when you meet someone online and get to know them in that realm,  you have nothing else to do but get to know each other.  

  You see, when you meet someone the old fashioned way you generally start out on a date, at a party, a club, a bar or any other number of places. With all of that there are a lot of distractions. Other friends, waiters, bartenders, television, music or just people in general are all around you so your focus is generally a little more scattered.

  A direct example of this is if you and your date go to dinner and a movie. Sure you spend about three to four hours together but most of that time your focus is on the movie, the menu, the waiter or other people in the restaraunt. Very little of that time is spent getting to know each other. To the contrary, when you meet someone online there is nothing else to do at all but to get to know each other. I would go so far as to say that three to four hours of talking online or on the phone is equal to six to eight traditional dates.  Also you don’t have the added distraction or stress of wondering if there’s spinach in your teeth or if your hair is sticking up, or whether there’s a candy cane stuck to your butt from sitting on it in his messy car. (Sadly that’s a true story and it happened to me on my VERY first date when I was a teenager. Shup! Stop laughing at me! It was bad enough at the time it happened and people were pointing and laughing at completely oblivious little ol’ me!) It’s just a lot easier and way more comfortable to just relax and enjoy the process of learning about each other when you get to know each other online first.

  Many couples who meet online get really comfortable with each other before they ever meet in person. What that does is make them almost instantly comfortable with each other when they do meet face to face. I’m not going to say there isn’t  any nervousness or awkwardness at all when you finally do go on that first real life date but I will say the awkwardness and nervous feelings dissapate much faster when you’ve already made that deep connection online and on the phone before actually meeting.

  This is why Virtual Dating works so well for people. It provides the perfect medium for getting to know each other in the comfort of your own seperate homes. I must admit that when I first heard of Virtual Dating I thought it was a little weird. I wondered how it could produce such fantastic results for couples who choose to do it. Then I realized that what it can do is slow down the pace of online dating while at the same time it can speed up and intensify the connection the couple feels toward each other.

  The old way of online dating was that you saw someone’s profile, made contact through email then set up a real life date not really knowing who that person is. With Virtual Dating you can slow down that process and get to know that person you’re  interested in before you go on the actual date. It saves you the time and the hassle of going on dates with people you really don’t feel a connection with. However, if it is someone you CAN connect with it actually speeds up that connection allowing for a much more comfortable real life date.

  Do you now understand the allure of meeting online? Do you get this whole Virtual Dating thing now that I’ve laid it out step by step?  I certainly hope so because explaining all of this made my brain hurt a little…lol. Also keep in mind that all four of the dating sites at the top of this page offer Virtual Dating so there’s no need to go out hunting for a site that offers it.  So once again I say to you Single People, go on out there and find yourselves some love!

Love Story: Tiger and Six

Six’s Perspective  

   About a year after I took a chat sabbatical, I came back into Chat to visit with some old friends. It was not long before I met some new ones, who had become regulars in my years absence. One of these new friends was Tiger. Everyone already seemed to know him and were quite fond of him. I mainly just spoke to him in passing, because everyone else was, but that was the extent of our conversations.

  Until one night  someone asked if I had a cam and I answered saying “Yes I have a cam, but the view is so scary that Yahoo makes me call it Scare-O-Vision, and you have to read and sign a disclaimer before you can view!”  It wasn’t long before a few of the regs, who had never seen my cam before, asked to view. Tiger was one of them. Of course, I was joking about me being too scary for for yahoo, and it was only a matter of minutes before those who were viewing were saying so in the room. A few minutes later, Tiger asked to PM me, he seemed harmless enough, so I obliged. Not much of anything special in that conversation except that he assured me I was not scary, but rather, I was beautiful.I thanked him and told him he was blind!

  Over the next few days, we chatted privately about this and that, mostly just small talk, sharing sound wavs and photos. We hit it off and I realized, almost instantly from the 1st conversation we had, Tiger was a good person and would be a true friend. We found ourselves spending more and more time talkin in PM, than in the open room. In less than a weeks time he boldly asked me for my number, and I gave it to him without hesitation, something that was indeed strange for both of us. Even after he had my number in hand, we chatted in PM for hours more, until he asked shyly if he could call.

    It was at that point that I gave him the standard speech about the depth and drawl of my southern voice, and he laughed and assured me that it wouldn’t frieghten him in the least, so I logged off and he called. From that day on, we only missed one day of talking via phone. I would be waiting for him when he got home from work and we would chat online until the wee hours of my morning, then he would call me and we would chat some more! Many mornings, he would still be on the phone when it was time to wake my boys for school. The 3 hour time difference was unimportant. I can’t really remember when it was that I fell in love with Tiger. But somewhere, during endless conversations about life, hopes and dreams, he had scaled the high walls that surrounded my heart without even knowing he’d done it and I knew I loved him.

  One night before he logged off to call me he sent me a wav of Chicagos “You’re the Inspiration” and as I listened to the words of that song, I knew he felt the same way I did.  Later that night, on the phone, I sensed him struggling for the words he was too afraid to say aloud, and I said “It’s ok you can say it”  and with that he drew in a deep breath and said “I love you”  I quickly responded with “I love you too,”

  We cried together, tears of great happiness, with heavy sighs of great relief that the feelings were mutual and unconditional. In the weeks that followed we made plans to meet. We talked and talked for hours every day, learning anything and everything about one another. Asking and answering questions, growing together. Finally he called and told me that he had his ticket. From that point until his arrival the days crawled by and seemed endless. We were both excited but neither of us was a afraid. We already knew we belonged together.

  The day of his flight Tiger woke up and called me, we talked until just about the time he needed to leave for the airport. He called me again from the airport. but I was so exhausted from the excitement that we didn’t talk long. In the hours Tiger was travelling I was making sure everything I had planned was right. I’d made a sign for the airport and packed a picnic lunch with my best china, crystal and table cloth.

   In the morning when I woke up my coffee pot was dead and I NEED my coffee so I had to run to Wal Mart to get another one before leaving for the 3 hr trip to the airport. The 1st two hours of the drive were uneventful. It wasn’t until I’d gotten 30 miles from the airport that I saw a huge white puff of smoke come from under my hood. The smoke caused the cars behind me to have a chain reaction pile up. No one was seriosly injured, but the accident had to be cleared and the injured taken to the hospital. I was stranded on the Turnpike, Tiger was at the airport already and I had no idea how I was going to get there. Someone let me borrow their cell phone but Tiger couldn’t get a signal at the airport and had it turned off. I got his voice mail 3 times! At this point I was crying uncontollably. Half an hour later a State trooper came and called a tow truck that took me to where there was a cab waiting for me.

  Ya know how in chat you usually ignore obnoxious people? Well let me tell you, that is almost impossible to do when you are stuck in a cab with one for 40 minutes!! I couldn’t find that ignore button ANYWHERE and that guy would not shut up! At this point I was over 2 hours late for the airport, and that’s all I wanted to do…GET TO THAT AIRPORT!

  Meanwhile Tiger arrived and was wondering what happened to me, searching high and low in that massive airport with no luck finding me. I only survived the cab ride to the airport by knowing that Tiger was there waiting for me. I paid the guy, jumped out of the cab and ran to the terminal. I looked and looked  and he was nowhere to be found. 20 minutes later I was still looking with no success, when I happened to turn around and saw him walking towards me with the biggest grin I’d ever seen.

Three steps later I was where I’d belonged my whole life, wrapped in his arms. It was just like the movies everything around us just stopped, time stood still and there was only us. We kissed for a long time that 1st time, then locked fingers and slowly backed up to see if this was real. we knew by the dancing eyes and wide grins that it was indeed real!  Soon after, the reality of not having a car and no way to get home, sprang to the forefront of my mind. Tiger saw the worried tears come to my eyes and took my face into his hands and said “Baby don’t worry one second about that, we are finally TOGETHER and nothing else matters.”

  Ya know something? He was right. We were together and everything  else was un-important. They were only minor details. Oh, that picnic lunch I’d so meticulously packed? It had to be left in the car on the Turnpike as there was only room for me in the tow truck. This is only the 1st in a long line of adventures that we’ve encountered together. The rest are just as exciting and wonderful as this one, but we have strength to face them boldly because we are together and nothing else matters!   

Bloggers Note: Nine years later Tiger and Six are still together,  married and living in Washington, Tiger’s home state.  You see if people can meet and fall in love online from completely opposite sides of the Country (Six was in Florida) how much easier is it to meet someone more local from an Online Dating site? It’s a lot more difficult for people like this to make it happen than it is to meet someone within 100 miles or so of your home. Don’t be leery of using modern methods to find love! And don’t be afraid to expand your search criteria for a wider selection.  Sometimes a little bit of distance can create the perfect conditions for getting to know each other more thoroughly by long phone conversations, texts and messaging.

First Date Jitters?

   I see a LOT of rules about dating out there. I know people mean well when they give you advice about what not to do on a first date but are those rules really necessary?

  There are so many do’s and don’ts out there that it’s no wonder a first date can be a truly frightening experience.  We can end up spending the entire date second guessing and over thinking every word that comes out of our mouth!  God forbid there be someone with a baby at a near by table. You might accidentally let it slip that the baby is cute and your date will probably assume that you’re out to get married and have six babies of your own, OH NO!

  And what if you accidentally let it slip that you have an ex? Nooooooo! You can’t do that! On this night you’re supposed to pretend that you just hatched this morning so you have absolutely zero baggage.  The first date is supposed to give the impression that you are perfection personified.  It’s a night for putting your best face on and pretending you aren’t anything like yourself.

  According to all the best intentioned advice out there for daters you are supposed to almost lie about who you are and how you feel.  You’re supposed to let people “get to know you” before you start talking about who you really are and what you really want from your personal relationships.  My question is how can someone get to know you if you aren’t putting your true self out there?

  Then there’s the dreaded after date drama. The game of men waiting two days before they call and women agonizing whether or not they should pick up the phone and call him instead. Come on, we’ve all done this so you know exactly what I’m talking about.  The what to do after the date dilemma is almost worse than the phony date part! Here’s my rule about when to call: Call when you want to call.  Don’t start off a relationship playing games even if society says you should. If they wanted you to call they will be happy you’ve done it. If they didn’t want you to call then you will find out that bit of information even sooner, right?

  I’m sorry but for me all this stuff is just total B.S.  I think we should just be ourselves from the get go.  If the attraction and chemistry is there and it’s meant to be, there will be NOTHING you can say that will ruin it. What can ruin the date is the stress of trying to hide your true self. How many nervous daters have done something stupid and out of character like drinking one too many cocktails and acting like a drunken fool on the first date?  Although, even if that happens I still contend that if it’s meant to be it will be and your date will forgive you even for that if they like you.

  If what you really want in life is a big family just say it. Wouldn’t it be better to know if the person you’re dating never wants children from the start so you don’t waste your time going on three dates and possibly getting attached to someone who is not a match?  Do you really want to start liking someone before you find out that your goals in life will never match up?  

Let me back up what I’m saying with a real life story. 

  The night I met my husband on the internet he spent no less than two hours lamenting to me over something his last girlfriend did to him!  Yes I was bored silly with the conversation and yes I thought okay, you’re being a bit of a weirdo, but guess what? The attraction was there and I didn’t really blame him for being upset that she hacked his email account and stalked him (See “Horror Story: When Harry met Hairy” for the whole story) so I understood why he was so upset.

  Then on our first date he actually FARTED!  I remember thinking “Ummmmm did he just let one rip???? Ummm well I guess he’s comfortable with me!” So I just smiled, moved away a little, and pretended not to notice.  I should have taken that as an omen for things to come but I still love him   eleven years later gas and all…lol.

  I think I’ve made my point. Just be yourself and if it’s meant to be it will be.  Don’t waste your time pretending to be someone or something you’re not and just let the chips fall where they may.  People truly interested in the real YOU will not be afraid or put off  by the real you. 

Isn’t that what love is all about anyway? Finding someone to love you for you, even if you’re gassy or want marriage and six children.

Getting Real With Ourselves

When I was younger I used to wonder why I could never find a happy, fulfilling relationship.  I was so lonely and miserable even when I had a boyfriend.  Part of the problem was I was attracted to bad boys.  Like a lot of people out there I over looked nice people. I wasn’t attracted to men who weren’t a challenge.  At the same time, though it seems contradictory, I wanted men who wanted me.  In other words,  if an attractive bad boy wanted me, I wanted him.  I didn’t stop to ask myself what I liked about them and if they were good for me. I just went with the flow.

During that time I would hope and pray I would find someone who would truly love me. Then off I’d go in hot pursuit of another bad boy, hoping he would change his bad ways and fall head over heels in love with me.  The problem was that I did catch quite a few of those bad boys and all they did was make me miserable.  I went from heart break to heart break feeling unimportant, lonely and down right unlovable. I was always blaming myself too. Beating myself up and dragging myself down thinking I was too fat or too stupid or too something.

Don’t get me wrong here. I wasn’t entirely miserable. I had a lot of fun in those days too.  I was happy in my life in general it was only the love department that made me miserable.  I’ve lived a life full of crazy laughter and fun but something was definitely missing.  I think the truth was that even though I secretly pined for someone to love me and sometimes cried myself to sleep at night because I was lonely, I didn’t really want that.   Some part of me was very aware that I did not want to settle down. It was that subconscious knowledge that kept me interested in those bad boys. 

Something else I find interesting is that we’ve all noticed that when we’re single and looking  it seems like the opposite sex seems less than interested in us. Yet, the minute we’re in a committed relationship the opposite sex seems to wake up to our greatness and find us suddenly appealing.  People have theorized that it’s because we stop giving off a desperate vibe. I have my own theory on this. I think it’s because a lot of people tend to want what we can’t have because  they aren’t ready for love.  I think we make a lot of decisions about love on a subconscious level. 

The biggest problem comes when we truly are ready for love yet we hold onto our old self destructive habits.  I know for me it was slow process of awakening that ended with an epiphany.  It suddenly occurred to me after months of soul searching, what I had been doing for years.  I realized that when I met men who might offer me a healthy and happy relationship I just wasn’t interested in them at all.  I hadn’t done any of this by setting standards too high, like many people do, I had done it by being completely and utterly uninterested in nice guys.  You know, the kind of guy that can promise to love you forever and never leave you and actually mean it.

The night of my epiphany I decided that I was going to be open to nice guys.  I wasn’t going to shut them out or blow them off as desperate losers. I was going to get serious about finding real, healthy, happy love.  Two days later (I kid you not) I met the man who has been my husband for the last 11 years. It’s amazing what can happen when you start getting real with yourself and open yourself up to realistic possibilities isn’t it?

As for those women who tell me they just can’t help chasing bad boys, I say to them that ALL men have a bad boy streak.  Even the nicest guy in the world has some bad boy hidden in there somewhere. Just hang around long enough and you’ll find it and trust me, it’s worth it.

Dating Goes Mobile

  These days it seems like everyone is obsessed with their Smart Phones.  Why wouldn’t they be? It’s like carrying the world wide web in your pocket and the list of things you can do on your phone is endless.  So it’s no surprise that Online Dating has gone mobile too.

  That means you can search for singles and browse profiles right from your phone.  You can also text with other singles without compromising your privacy.  Because when you use the Go Mobile Feature on  3MillionSingles.com,   CurvyLove.com,   Uniform2Love.com  or  Soldier2love.com   you will be assigned a random anonymous mobile number to communicate with other members. There’s also no codes for the user to enter, and your mobile number is never revealed to the other person.

   In other words no one gets your cell phone number until you yourself decide to give it to them.  Imagine the convenience!  Now you can take your time getting to know other singles via SMS Text Messages from anywhere without worry of giving your number out and being bothered by someone you decide you’re not interested in.

  Online Dating has never been so easy!  With Mobile Dating you will never miss a message and you’ll be able to check for and respond to your messages from anywhere. See that hottie over there on that bench totally absorbed in their phone? Maybe they’re texting with a perspective date?  Maybe they’re looking through profiles looking for the right one to add to their favorites?  Or maybe they’re just playing Robot Unicorn Attack. You never know though, right?

  So go forth single people! Go forth and meet new prospects in your quest to find companionship, love, friendship or maybe even multiply if  that’s your thing.  :-P

Most of all, I wish you good luck.  Not that you’ll need it with you being smart enough to harness the power of technology and use it to achieve whatever or whomever your little heart desires…. :-)

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