Advantages of Online Dating

June 27, 2011 — americancurvygirl

  As you read through the Love Stories in my previous blog posts you probably wonder how it is so many people fell so head over heels for each other before they ever met in person.  It really is common  for two people to feel totally connected when they meet online. I myself have been there, so I’ve put quite a lot of thought into why it seems to happen to so many couples who met Online. I believe the reason is because when you meet someone online and get to know them in that realm,  you have nothing else to do but get to know each other.  

  You see, when you meet someone the old fashioned way you generally start out on a date, at a party, a club, a bar or any other number of places. With all of that there are a lot of distractions. Other friends, waiters, bartenders, television, music or just people in general are all around you so your focus is generally a little more scattered.

  A direct example of this is if you and your date go to dinner and a movie. Sure you spend about three to four hours together but most of that time your focus is on the movie, the menu, the waiter or other people in the restaraunt. Very little of that time is spent getting to know each other. To the contrary, when you meet someone online there is nothing else to do at all but to get to know each other. I would go so far as to say that three to four hours of talking online or on the phone is equal to six to eight traditional dates.  Also you don’t have the added distraction or stress of wondering if there’s spinach in your teeth or if your hair is sticking up, or whether there’s a candy cane stuck to your butt from sitting on it in his messy car. (Sadly that’s a true story and it happened to me on my VERY first date when I was a teenager. Shup! Stop laughing at me! It was bad enough at the time it happened and people were pointing and laughing at completely oblivious little ol’ me!) It’s just a lot easier and way more comfortable to just relax and enjoy the process of learning about each other when you get to know each other online first.

  Many couples who meet online get really comfortable with each other before they ever meet in person. What that does is make them almost instantly comfortable with each other when they do meet face to face. I’m not going to say there isn’t  any nervousness or awkwardness at all when you finally do go on that first real life date but I will say the awkwardness and nervous feelings dissapate much faster when you’ve already made that deep connection online and on the phone before actually meeting.

  This is why Virtual Dating works so well for people. It provides the perfect medium for getting to know each other in the comfort of your own seperate homes. I must admit that when I first heard of Virtual Dating I thought it was a little weird. I wondered how it could produce such fantastic results for couples who choose to do it. Then I realized that what it can do is slow down the pace of online dating while at the same time it can speed up and intensify the connection the couple feels toward each other.

  The old way of online dating was that you saw someone’s profile, made contact through email then set up a real life date not really knowing who that person is. With Virtual Dating you can slow down that process and get to know that person you’re  interested in before you go on the actual date. It saves you the time and the hassle of going on dates with people you really don’t feel a connection with. However, if it is someone you CAN connect with it actually speeds up that connection allowing for a much more comfortable real life date.

  Do you now understand the allure of meeting online? Do you get this whole Virtual Dating thing now that I’ve laid it out step by step?  I certainly hope so because explaining all of this made my brain hurt a little…lol. Also keep in mind that all four of the dating sites at the top of this page offer Virtual Dating so there’s no need to go out hunting for a site that offers it.  So once again I say to you Single People, go on out there and find yourselves some love!

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First Date Jitters?

June 23, 2011 — americancurvygirl

   I see a LOT of rules about dating out there. I know people mean well when they give you advice about what not to do on a first date but are those rules really necessary?

  There are so many do’s and don’ts out there that it’s no wonder a first date can be a truly frightening experience.  We can end up spending the entire date second guessing and over thinking every word that comes out of our mouth!  God forbid there be someone with a baby at a near by table. You might accidentally let it slip that the baby is cute and your date will probably assume that you’re out to get married and have six babies of your own, OH NO!

  And what if you accidentally let it slip that you have an ex? Nooooooo! You can’t do that! On this night you’re supposed to pretend that you just hatched this morning so you have absolutely zero baggage.  The first date is supposed to give the impression that you are perfection personified.  It’s a night for putting your best face on and pretending you aren’t anything like yourself.

  According to all the best intentioned advice out there for daters you are supposed to almost lie about who you are and how you feel.  You’re supposed to let people “get to know you” before you start talking about who you really are and what you really want from your personal relationships.  My question is how can someone get to know you if you aren’t putting your true self out there?

  Then there’s the dreaded after date drama. The game of men waiting two days before they call and women agonizing whether or not they should pick up the phone and call him instead. Come on, we’ve all done this so you know exactly what I’m talking about.  The what to do after the date dilemma is almost worse than the phony date part! Here’s my rule about when to call: Call when you want to call.  Don’t start off a relationship playing games even if society says you should. If they wanted you to call they will be happy you’ve done it. If they didn’t want you to call then you will find out that bit of information even sooner, right?

  I’m sorry but for me all this stuff is just total B.S.  I think we should just be ourselves from the get go.  If the attraction and chemistry is there and it’s meant to be, there will be NOTHING you can say that will ruin it. What can ruin the date is the stress of trying to hide your true self. How many nervous daters have done something stupid and out of character like drinking one too many cocktails and acting like a drunken fool on the first date?  Although, even if that happens I still contend that if it’s meant to be it will be and your date will forgive you even for that if they like you.

  If what you really want in life is a big family just say it. Wouldn’t it be better to know if the person you’re dating never wants children from the start so you don’t waste your time going on three dates and possibly getting attached to someone who is not a match?  Do you really want to start liking someone before you find out that your goals in life will never match up?  

Let me back up what I’m saying with a real life story. 

  The night I met my husband on the internet he spent no less than two hours lamenting to me over something his last girlfriend did to him!  Yes I was bored silly with the conversation and yes I thought okay, you’re being a bit of a weirdo, but guess what? The attraction was there and I didn’t really blame him for being upset that she hacked his email account and stalked him (See “Horror Story: When Harry met Hairy” for the whole story) so I understood why he was so upset.

  Then on our first date he actually FARTED!  I remember thinking “Ummmmm did he just let one rip???? Ummm well I guess he’s comfortable with me!” So I just smiled, moved away a little, and pretended not to notice.  I should have taken that as an omen for things to come but I still love him   eleven years later gas and all…lol.

  I think I’ve made my point. Just be yourself and if it’s meant to be it will be.  Don’t waste your time pretending to be someone or something you’re not and just let the chips fall where they may.  People truly interested in the real YOU will not be afraid or put off  by the real you. 

Isn’t that what love is all about anyway? Finding someone to love you for you, even if you’re gassy or want marriage and six children.

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Getting Real With Ourselves

June 22, 2011 — americancurvygirl

When I was younger I used to wonder why I could never find a happy, fulfilling relationship.  I was so lonely and miserable even when I had a boyfriend.  Part of the problem was I was attracted to bad boys.  Like a lot of people out there I over looked nice people. I wasn’t attracted to men who weren’t a challenge.  At the same time, though it seems contradictory, I wanted men who wanted me.  In other words,  if an attractive bad boy wanted me, I wanted him.  I didn’t stop to ask myself what I liked about them and if they were good for me. I just went with the flow.

During that time I would hope and pray I would find someone who would truly love me. Then off I’d go in hot pursuit of another bad boy, hoping he would change his bad ways and fall head over heels in love with me.  The problem was that I did catch quite a few of those bad boys and all they did was make me miserable.  I went from heart break to heart break feeling unimportant, lonely and down right unlovable. I was always blaming myself too. Beating myself up and dragging myself down thinking I was too fat or too stupid or too something.

Don’t get me wrong here. I wasn’t entirely miserable. I had a lot of fun in those days too.  I was happy in my life in general it was only the love department that made me miserable.  I’ve lived a life full of crazy laughter and fun but something was definitely missing.  I think the truth was that even though I secretly pined for someone to love me and sometimes cried myself to sleep at night because I was lonely, I didn’t really want that.   Some part of me was very aware that I did not want to settle down. It was that subconscious knowledge that kept me interested in those bad boys. 

Something else I find interesting is that we’ve all noticed that when we’re single and looking  it seems like the opposite sex seems less than interested in us. Yet, the minute we’re in a committed relationship the opposite sex seems to wake up to our greatness and find us suddenly appealing.  People have theorized that it’s because we stop giving off a desperate vibe. I have my own theory on this. I think it’s because a lot of people tend to want what we can’t have because  they aren’t ready for love.  I think we make a lot of decisions about love on a subconscious level. 

The biggest problem comes when we truly are ready for love yet we hold onto our old self destructive habits.  I know for me it was slow process of awakening that ended with an epiphany.  It suddenly occurred to me after months of soul searching, what I had been doing for years.  I realized that when I met men who might offer me a healthy and happy relationship I just wasn’t interested in them at all.  I hadn’t done any of this by setting standards too high, like many people do, I had done it by being completely and utterly uninterested in nice guys.  You know, the kind of guy that can promise to love you forever and never leave you and actually mean it.

The night of my epiphany I decided that I was going to be open to nice guys.  I wasn’t going to shut them out or blow them off as desperate losers. I was going to get serious about finding real, healthy, happy love.  Two days later (I kid you not) I met the man who has been my husband for the last 11 years. It’s amazing what can happen when you start getting real with yourself and open yourself up to realistic possibilities isn’t it?

As for those women who tell me they just can’t help chasing bad boys, I say to them that ALL men have a bad boy streak.  Even the nicest guy in the world has some bad boy hidden in there somewhere. Just hang around long enough and you’ll find it and trust me, it’s worth it.

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Dating Goes Mobile

June 21, 2011 — americancurvygirl

  These days it seems like everyone is obsessed with their Smart Phones.  Why wouldn’t they be? It’s like carrying the world wide web in your pocket and the list of things you can do on your phone is endless.  So it’s no surprise that Online Dating has gone mobile too.

  That means you can search for singles and browse profiles right from your phone.  You can also text with other singles without compromising your privacy.  Because when you use the Go Mobile Feature on  3MillionSingles.com,   CurvyLove.com,   Uniform2Love.com  or  Soldier2love.com   you will be assigned a random anonymous mobile number to communicate with other members. There’s also no codes for the user to enter, and your mobile number is never revealed to the other person.

   In other words no one gets your cell phone number until you yourself decide to give it to them.  Imagine the convenience!  Now you can take your time getting to know other singles via SMS Text Messages from anywhere without worry of giving your number out and being bothered by someone you decide you’re not interested in.

  Online Dating has never been so easy!  With Mobile Dating you will never miss a message and you’ll be able to check for and respond to your messages from anywhere. See that hottie over there on that bench totally absorbed in their phone? Maybe they’re texting with a perspective date?  Maybe they’re looking through profiles looking for the right one to add to their favorites?  Or maybe they’re just playing Robot Unicorn Attack. You never know though, right?

  So go forth single people! Go forth and meet new prospects in your quest to find companionship, love, friendship or maybe even multiply if  that’s your thing.  :-P

Most of all, I wish you good luck.  Not that you’ll need it with you being smart enough to harness the power of technology and use it to achieve whatever or whomever your little heart desires…. :-)

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Virtual Dating

June 18, 2011 — americancurvygirl

The latest trend in online dating is Virtual Dating.  What is virtual dating?  It’s kind of a practice date before committing to the real thing.  By creating an avatar and doing a run through date with singles you’re interested in, you can become more comfortable with each other before actually meeting.  Studies show that people who meet each other in person after having already done virtual dating together are more comfortable and at ease with other.

Virtual dating helps avoid first bad dates and leads to real life relationships. Research done by social scientists from Harvard, Duke and M.I.T. showed that people who go on virtual dates first tend to like each other more when they meet in-person and have more successful in person dates.

People also say it’s a lot of fun to do. Everyone I know who’s tried it has said it was a very enjoyable way to test the waters before going out on a real date. They say it’s a lot like the real thing but you don’t have to get dressed up for it.  Sometimes people who set up a virtual date can discover that they are not a true match so it can also be a time saver.

All of the Online Dating Links at the top of this page offer Virtual Dating so if you’re interested in possibly giving it a try you should pick one and go check it out.  I hope you will enjoy it as much as everyone else has and good luck!

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Tips For Finding Love…

June 16, 2011 — americancurvygirl

In these modern times it’s becoming increasingly common for singles to meet each other online.  Why mess around looking for people in bars and clubs? Why not meet someone who’s intentions are up front  just as yours are? I mean when you see someone you’re attracted to in a bar you have to find out if they are not only single but are they looking? Are they attracted to your type? Do they share your same interests and have compatible goals? Are they as religious or non religious as you are? Are they looking for marriage or just playing the field? The benefits of online dating is you can quickly find out necessary information and move on unscathed if they’re obviously not a good match for you and most of the time they will never even know you were considering them.

  Okay, so let’s say you see a few people that are interesting when you browse a dating site so you decide to join and make a profile.  You want people to be interested in you so it’s important to showcase yourself in a positive light.  More than anything else it is important to be HONEST. If you lie about yourself you won’t likely make it past the first date.  Besides, you want someone to love you for you and not some fictional person you’ve made up, right?   If you feel that you are less than perfect don’t worry.  It’s a big world out there on the Internet and there will be someone out there that  will think you are perfect no matter what.  Honesty on the Internet is a powerful thing.  The net is full of liars and people respect those who tell the truth.  I can’t tell you how many times I have told a chat room full of people that I have a fat butt and that my body is not perfect (what ever that is) and I get flooded with private messages from guys who appreciate an honest person.  Not everyone is shallow, in fact I see more people who could care less about perfect bodies, to them a good personality is key.

  Showing personality is the trick.   If you can learn to shine through a text world (Profile, Facebook Wall, Tweets, Chat, E-mail) you will be attractive to many people.  A sharp mind and a great personality is as sexy as a good looking face or a perfect body (again what is that?).  If you’re not sure what I am talking about here, go into a chat room and watch the room.  You will see that people gravitate toward certain people who have the skill of shining through in text.  If you are not that kind of person don’t worry there is someone for you, it will just be easier to find someone on a Dating Site  rather than a Chat Room but you still have to find a way to make your true personality transcend text.

  Also, know what you are looking for and get it.  A lot of heartache comes from people not knowing what they want.  Don’t just go along with someone simply because they want you.  Make sure you want them, for who they are, in return.  You deserve to be in a relationship with the person that’s right for you not just the person who wanted you.  If they are not right for you move on and find the one who is.  Be a little picky and give yourself some credit.  You are perfect to someone and someone will be perfect to you.  Keep your standards high and it will pay off in the end. 

  Although, setting your standards TOO high can be a big mistake. I mean come on, be real.  If you are an average Joe with an average job you probably shouldn’t shoot for America’s Next Top Model.  That will only lead to frustration and inevitable failure. Just look for an average Jill with an average job that who possesses that certain spark.  Looks fade so you really want someone who makes you happy in more ways than appearance.  You went through all that trouble to shine through text so why not look for the same thing in others?

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Using Dating Sites

June 12, 2011 — americancurvygirl

Using Dating Sites  

   Millions of people world wide use dating sites.  Even if you browse through a site and don’t see anyone you’re interested in, who’s to say that the right person for you won’t join that site tomorrow?  There used to be a certain kind of shame and risk associated with taking out or answering a personal ad. I myself once answered a personal ad in a paper and it was a nightmare. Physically he was all wrong for me and much older looking than he said he was. The beauty of on line Dating Sites is that you can not only see a pictue of the person but in many cases you can view a web cam.    

 The Advantages of Using a Dating Site:  

   If you are shy this is the perfect way to meet people. It’s a lot easier to send someone an email than it is to strike up a conversation.  Another thing is that people who pay to join a dating site have a tendancy to be serious in their quest for love.  Yes there are players here too, but you have a far better chance of meeting a sincere person on a Dating Site than you do in a bar or in chat.  There are free dating sites and those work  also, but again you’re more likely to meet a player who has found a free way to find someone to play.  Players aren’t likely to pay  for a Dating Site when they can toy with people on a free site without having to pay for it over the months or even years.  It’s also an easy way to find people that live close to you and share your interests.  If you want to advertise yourself this is the perfect place to do so. After all that’s really what this is all about.    

 The Disadvantages of Using a Dating Site:  

   If you are the romantic type you may prefer to leave it to fate and meet someone by chance.  It can also  be a cold experience and hard to click through form letters and email.  Some people might feel that this is stuff is for desperate people and may try to make you feel ashamed for advertising yourself.  Also on some adult dating sites you will come across phony people.  Men pretending to be lesbians trying to get you to mail them nude photos and such.  Sad but true.   

 Tips and Pointers:  

   Put up a picture of yourself, profiles with pics get looked at more often.  If you think no one will want you because of your looks then think again. Ugly people get married and breed everyday.  OK that was meant to be funny but it’s true. The point is, in my opinion,  there is someone for everyone.  When you fill out your profile do your best to “humanize” yourself and show some personality.  Use humor (see above) if you’re a funny person,  poetry if your a romantic, quote something intellectual if you are a brainer. Do anything you can to show who you are and how you think.  And i can’t say this enough,  BE HONEST.  No matter how bad you are someone will still want you.  The trick is to want them back.     

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Not All Dating Sites Are The Same

June 10, 2011 — americancurvygirl

  Over the years I’ve heard things about certain dating sites that you see advertised on TV.  I also did my own extensive research on it a few years back.  I joined all the big name sites both free and pay sites.  What I found was that the complaints I’ve heard about those sites are absolutely true.  Not only were they shady about charging my credit card without my permission but they are also loaded with fake profiles placed there just to lure you in and take your money.

  How do I know this?  I live in a VERY small town surrounded by nothing but small towns for 100 miles (or more) in every direction.  When I logged on to the most advertised site out there I saw that there were several beautiful model types living in my little town!   There are also many, many model types living in the small towns all around me! How exciting right?  I mean we see them all walking down our little Main Street all the time in their fancy designer clothing shopping at our only grocery store, only drug store and eating in our only restaurant!  You really ought to see them out there vaccinating cows, branding calfs and driving tractors.  You’d think they couldn’t throw down a calf and brand it the way they do with those skinny little model arms. It’s a sight to see I tell ya! Okay, maybe I’m being a little sarcastic right now but I think you get my point.  These women don’t live anywhere near this place looking like that. They are fake profiles probably placed there by their affiliates,  purely for the purpose of luring people in and getting their money and I don’t see those sites working hard to get rid of those profiles either. They benefit from them too so why would they? Well it’s deception and it’s wrong that’s why they SHOULD but they don’t.

  Another often advertised site promises to find you your soul mate.  Well, to be honest, I didn’t join that one to check it out. I’d heard enough terrible things about that one that I didn’t even bother.  I mean, a friend of mine who is a big girl, paid them to find the love of her life only to be sent the profiles of 3 men who were not interested at ALL in a woman of size. She had a heck of time in trying to get her money back and I don’t think she ever did.  This is only one of several stories of similar nature I’ve heard about them too.   No, they just aren’t worth my time or yours.

  My opinions on this might seem biased. After all I do have the links to 6 dating sites at the top of my page here but the truth is, I could promote any dating site I want to because they all have affiliate programs. I choose to associate myself with the 6 sites above because I know my partners and I are trustworthy and believe in treating people fairly.  We will never spam you. We will never charge your credit card without your permission.  And we work very hard to ensure that all profiles on the site are legitimate.  No “models on Main Street” here, only a few gorgeous small town girls are listed from my little town. 

At this point I will go over the 6 sites.

 The First Site:  3MillionSingles.com   is a general dating site.  You can find any type of person there once you enter what interests you.  Like to garden and want to find someone who shares your passion? Just enter that. There are several hobbies and interests to choose from. Oh, and the name is true, in fact there are over 3 million singles world wide listed here.

 The Second Site:  CurvyLove.com is my oldest site.  It’s for BBW’s and their admirers.  You can also find BBW’s that share your interests in just as many categories as the one above.  There you will find girls that vary from just slightly over weight to Super Sized BBW’s.

 The Third Site:  Soldier2Love.com is obviously for Singles in the Military. Again, you can customize your interests there.  Want to find a hero to love? This is the place for that. This is a great site to look for pen pals. Maybe you can give a soldier abroad some company from home.  

The Fourth Site:  Uniform2Love.com is probably my favorite. It’s for single Police and Fire Fighters.  Again, I’m helping heroes to find love here. Is anything better than that?

The Fifth Site:  LoveIsInterracial.com is for white people interesting in dating black people and people looking to date white people. I think this one is pretty self explanatory.

The Sixth Site: FortiesLove.com is for people in their forties.  You don’t have to be in your forties to join nor are you locked into looking for other people in their forties because you can set the search to any age criteria, 18 and over, that you want.

 

  Those are my sites.  I know you probably think I’m being biased in my opinions but I am an honest person. I think I’ve shown that by telling you what I have about myself and my partners. I could have lied and said I don’t a gain a thing from those sites but that’s not how I operate. 

  At one point I tried to promote dating sites for other companies but I just couldn’t force myself to do it. I realized that I was hesitant to tell my single friends about those sites and I just can’t, in good conscience, promote a site that I don’t believe in or trust. Your money is not worth losing  my self respect over.  So, if you have been burned by a  Dating Site in the past I promise you will have a better experience with the sites listed above.  If you don’t I would ask that you come tell me about it here so I can make it right for you. 

Thanks for reading my blog! :-)

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Who I Am…

June 3, 2011 — americancurvygirl

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  I’ve spent many years on the web and frequenting chat rooms,  failed social sites,  Facebook and lately, Twitter. I have seen so many things over the years and met so many people that I actually have plenty to say on a blog.  In the chat world things are extreme. I have come across incredibly kind and amazing people and at the other extreme I have come across truly vicious people who thrive on hurting others. I’ve also come across a vast amount of perverts looking for nude pics or dirty talk. 

  The stories I’ve come across have been dramatic.   There’s a good sampling of them to come and they will be titled as  Love Story or Horror Story.  Those stories are always coming so if you like them continue to check back for new dramas unfolding in the Internet world.  As you will come to see, the years I’ve  spent online have led me to advise people looking for Romance on the Web to use dating sites such as 3millionsingles.com if they are serious about finding love. 

   You might be wondering what makes me feel like I have valid advice for people looking for love on the internet. Well, I met my husband in chat 11 yrs ago and was quite lucky in finding a normal, well adjusted person picking me up from the airport upon our first meeting. It is a matter of luck. So many people can tell you that from experience. Once you see some of the Horror Stories  you’ll see that for yourself.  Sometimes even the smartest most cautious people can be fooled. I don’t envy the single person looking for love in chat or on social sites.  It’s a rough world out there in the land of Dancers, Strippers, Firemen and Cowboys so it’s a good idea to take it easy, relax and just see what comes your way.  Hopefully you will read my advice, take what you want from it and enjoy the Internet.

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