Are You Worth Love and Respect?

People are always complaining that they are constantly being let down by the people they date. They say that everyone they are with does not value them, uses them, cheats on them, lies to them, or any number of bad behaviors that people do to each other. Often they say that they give up on finding anyone only to turn right around and be in another bad relationship where the same scenario is played out again.

The reality is that when it comes to love and relationships, we will only get what we think we are worth. It’s a lot easier to blame the world than it is to accept the truth about ourselves. If deep down inside you think there is something wrong with you then you will find yourself settling for just about anyone who shows interest in you that comes your way.

We find ourselves thinking that people in general just suck when it’s really our low self esteem that is the cause of our misery. It’s what makes us settle for the people who do not value us and treat us the way we should be treated. If you don’t think you deserve to be treated with love and respect then why should anyone else?

If deep down you believe that you’re too fat, too stupid, too ugly or just unworthy, for whatever reason, you are not going to attract the right people into your life. The kind of healthy, well adjusted people that we should all be looking for are out there for you if you believe you are worth their love.

Come on people, it’s not about those kinds of things anyway. You don’t have to be a card carrying member of the Mensa Society who looks like a super model to be worthy of love and respect You just have to value yourself and believe that you are worthy of it.

Dig down and find some good things about yourself and focus and build on that. If you can’t find a few good things about yourself then honestly you shouldn’t even be considering a relationship with someone else. In that case it’s time to do some serious soul searching and self work and perhaps find a good therapist to help you work through your issues. No one is going to save you but yourself. You can’t look for someone who brings out the best in you without believing that the best is already inside you somewhere.

Single Soldiers

Between the ages of 18 and 22 I lived in an area of Southern California that had several Military Bases. When my friends and I would go to one of the larger local dance clubs we felt like meat on a slab. All those lonely soldiers would vie for our attention. The problem was that we weren’t there looking men. Most of us already had boyfriends. We just wanted to drink, dance in our little group and have a lot of fun. No offense to the Soldiers, but after a while it became a drag having to turn them down constantly.

In today’s world it would have been easy for those Soldiers to have actually brought a date to the club. These days all a lonely Soldier needs to do is join a Dating Site specifically for Single Soldiers and singles interested in meeting them. Not to mention that a deployed Soldier can utilize the Virtual Dating features on a site like Soldier2Love.com to locate and go on a virtual date with singles located anywhere  in the world.

It is my hope that there will be less lonely Soldiers in this world. Our Soldiers sacrifice a lot for us, sometimes everything, so they deserve to find love and be happy. So, to any Soldier reading this, I thank you for your service and I truly hope that I can help you to find the love of your life!

Need a Date for Valentine’s Day?

Ah, Valentine’s Day, a day when millions of singles are made to feel even more lonely than they usually do.  There’s nothing like this holiday when it comes to being reminded by commercials, candy displays in stores and friends and co-workers talking about their plans with their dates for the big night.

Well there is absolutely no reason you should be  alone  for this year’s holiday or any Valentines Day in the future.  If you are, then it’s your own fault. I’ve been hammering at you since the day I started this blog to just take the plunge and join a Dating Site.  Just joining one isn’t enough either.  If you’re going to do it then do it right.  Put up your picture, fully fill out your profile and try contacting a few people every week until you find the right one.

I remember back in my younger days that I felt like a total loser whenever I was single on Valentine’s Day. There is no reason to feel like a pathetic loser for being single. What you should be feeling instead, is resolve. Resolve to be in a happy and healthy relationship by this time next year.  If you’re unhappy being along then do something about it and change it.

Even if you don’t have time to make a real date with someone perhaps you could set up a virtual date.  Anyone who has ever gone out to dinner anywhere decent on V-Day knows what I’m talking about when I say that sometimes actual Valentine’s dates can be a nightmare of over crowded restaurants and bars.  It’s my opinion that a Virtual Date can be just as good or even better than a real one in this case.

Another angle to look at here is that this time of year people do tend to be a little more lonely so it’s a really good time to contact people on Dating Sites. A lot of people are checking in on them more often in the hopes that someone has tried to contact them.  Why not be the one making the contact? Does it get more romantic than meeting the love of your life on Valentine’s Day?  One thing’s for sure, you will always remember the day you met each other.

As always, all of the Online Dating Sites listed at the top of this page offer Mobile Dating as well as Virtual Dating and of course real dating.  You can also check out my newest Dating Site  Thirties Love and remember that all dating sites are not the same.

Also remember the number one secret to dating success, HAVE FUN on your dates, even the dreaded first date!  Happy hunting and don’t dodge Cupid’s arrows!

Being Overly Picky

We’ve all known, or at least heard about, someone who is always single because they just can’t find that perfect person to settle down with.   Often times those people have a mother or friend who is exasperated by their perpetual need to be over choosey.

I’ve read articles urging these people to ease up on the quest for perfection and consider settling for someone less than perfect for them.  If you ask me I think that is horrible advice!  It’s like I always say, when it’s right you know it!  The key word here is YOU know it, not your mother and certainly not your friends.  The path you take in life is yours and yours alone and no one else should even feel that they can make such personal decisions for you.  

That said, we’ve all also known or heard about those people who are overly picky yet they whine about being perpetually single.   I say be patient with them. Some of us have a burning desire to find our Soul Mate and until we find them we aren’t going to live in peace.  The problem is that sometimes these people expect chance, fate or god to deliver their perfect match to them.  They keep waiting for that chance meeting at the grocery store or in some bar.  Well I’m here to tell you that sometimes it just doesn’t work like that.

Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns and actively seek out that special someone.  Sure, it’s possible to meet someone by chance and it happens all the time but tell me something here… How long have you been waiting?  Why not get out there and actually date people?  I’m not going to tell you it will happen fast and I’m not going to tell you will happen slowly. Heck, I’m not even going to tell you will happen at all but what I can tell you is that you may as well get out and date and have fun while you’re looking!

If you’re lonely and searching for that special someone put away that silly pride of yours and join a dating site (like the ones listed at the top of this page) and start doing something about it!   How often in life do things just fall into our lap?  As adults we know we usually have to work to have good things. We go to college to get a good job.  We save money to buy a house.  We work for almost everything we get in life so why should you think about love any differently?

It’s also very possible that your overly picky tendency is there because you aren’t meant to be with anyone at all. Perhaps your path is one to walked alone. Some people live their whole lives single and yet they’ve found happiness anyway.

If the idea of a life spent single makes you panic a little then I would suggest that you stop waiting and start dating!  Honestly, let’s get down to brass tacks here, there’s no one stopping you but you yourself.

 

Soul Mates

It seems that everyone is looking for their Soul Mate yet not everyone agrees on what a Soul Mate actually is.  Some people believe that their Soul Mate is someone that god created to be with them. Others believe their Soul Mate is another Soul that has shared many lives with them through reincarnations.  My personal belief is that we can actually have many Soul Mates throughout our existence.  Not only do I feel that my husband is a Soul Mate but also many close friends over the years have been Soul Mates. Heck, I even think those who have broken my heart the hardest were Soul Mates. I am actually grateful for those heart breaks because they made me appreciate the right one when he came into my life. 

You see, I believe that my husband is my primary Soul Mate where as the other people who have touched my life in profound ways have been Soul Mates as well.  I guess I believe in destiny on more levels than just romance.   I believe that even people who break our hearts may have been predestined to do so.  It’s my belief that life is a series of lessons and we learn  those lessons from many, many people that we interact with over our life times. So to me Soul Mates are not just about romance but about human relationships and all the different kinds of love and lessons in this life.

That said, I will now focus on the kind of Soul Mate that relates to my Blog. It is, after all, a Blog about Romance and finding love.  As those of you who have followed my Blog from the beginning know I met my husband on the internet and it was sort of a “love BEFORE first site” kind of meeting.  To say it was a whirlwind romance is putting it mildly.  I met him on a Friday night and after a few days of messaging and talking on the phone we set a date for the following Friday. Then just two Fridays later I moved in with him and we were married just four months later.  I know, I know, it sounds completely insane but sometimes you just KNOW.

How did we know?  Well, for one thing when I met him I honestly felt like I was meeting another part of myself.  It was the strangest feeling that I had never felt before and have not felt since.  It was as if we were the same person that had been living two separate lives up to that point and now that we had met we would be living just one life together. Meeting him felt like I had found my home in this world.  Words cannot do it justice but I think I’m getting my point across.

When I look back on that meeting 11 years ago I am just astounded.  There I was in Los Angeles growing up and doing my thing while my Soul Mate was in Salt Lake City growing up and doing his thing.  It just astounds that the Internet was able to allow us to cross paths.  I mean, talk about strange!  Without it we would have never met.  Not only is Salt Lake City hundreds of miles from Los Angeles but it’s worlds away in culture!  We would have never met if we hadn’t both been open to change and using new avenues to meet people.

So, to those of you who are lonely and searching for your Soul Mate I say be open to different ways to find them.  Perhaps they aren’t even living in the city or state you are living in.  Don’t rule out using the Internet and Online Dating.  Isn’t it possible that, like mine, your Soul Mate could live in a different city?  My advice to you is to use the chat feature on Dating Sites.  They’re full of people looking for the same thing you are.  My second piece of advice will seem to contradict my first piece of advice but trust me it really doesn’t: When you are in those chat rooms just relax, have fun and don’t actively pursue anyone in there until you get to know them a little bit first.  Do a little bit of playing hard to get during those first few hours of meeting. It will make you immensely more attractive, I promise.  So just hang out in chat, make some friends and see what comes your way. Then after meet someone that way you should seriously try doing some Virtual Dating, you will love it, I swear!     :-)

If you aren’t currently a member of a Dating Site that offers Chat as well as Virtual Dating you may want to check out the links at the top of this page. All of the sites listed offer those as well as other features… Thanks!

MeetingThe Right One…

When I was young I spent a lot of time second guessing every relationship I was in.  I would sometimes wonder if my latest love interest was the “right one.”  I spent a lot of energy trying to make them the right one. I would try to talk myself into being more into them than I actually was.  Sometimes I would change myself for them. I would pick up their hobbies and interests in an attempt to make things better. Of course it never worked out because no matter how hard I tried they just weren’t the right one.

Then I met my husband and it was a lot different.  When I met him it felt like I had met myself.  We were a lot alike without putting any effort into it at all.  In my mind, and his, we were almost the same exact person.   It really felt as though we had met some kind of extension of ourselves, as if we literally met our other half.   All we could see were the things we had in common. It took us about 3 years to realize that we were two individual people with different likes, dislikes, interests and upbringings.  I know that sounds strange and maybe it is, but I’ve spoken to a lot of other happily married couples and quite a few of them have told me it was the same for them.  Maybe it’s a soul mate thing, I don’t know, but in my experience it sure felt like it.

I’ve had platonic friendships that came close to this but without the chemistry of a love affair.  I’m sure many of you have met friends in your life who you’ve hit it off with and shared many things in common with.  Sometimes you meet a friend and become instantly inseparable because you get along so well.  That’s not so different from what I’m talking about here except the stakes are much higher when the chemistry is right.

I know when I met my husband I was scared to death to admit to myself that I was in love with him almost instantly.  When feelings run that deep there is a lot on the line.  Lesser (or maybe smarter?) people might have run away screaming with the flood of emotions I felt for him.  Instead of running I faced those feelings and laid it all out for him. I told him that I was in love with him and that my heart was in his hands.  Lucky for me he felt the same way but deep down in my soul I KNEW he felt the same. Honestly, I don’t think running away screaming was ever an option. We were both stuck like glue because the pain of even walking away would have been too great.

So if you ever find yourself in a relationship wondering if you’re in love you can bet the answer to the question is no.  Real love hits you like a ton of bricks and there is no doubt  about it.  Another thing that was different from the past was that I had NO doubts about it at all. Not a single hesitation.  There was no little nagging voice that filled my head with doubts.  Even the down right petrified fear of giving my heart so fully did not create any doubt in my mind.  Yes I was scared but no, I did not doubt for even a moment that he was the right one. 

So in my experience, the old cliché is true… When it’s right you know it.

As for WHERE to meet the right one, there are links to several Dating Sites at the top of this page.  Why not give one a try? Your  Soul Mate might be there waiting for you.   :-)

 

Police and Fire Fighter Dating

When you’re in the Police or Fire Fighter professions your life is at risk on any given day and it takes a special kind of woman to stand by your side. I know that I, myself  always said I was too selfish to be in a relationship with a Cop or a Fire Fighter. My reasoning was that I couldn’t handle them going into harms way whenever the call came. So it shouldn’t come as a shock to you to find out that I am in fact married to a cop. Why should it? Doesn’t life usually work that way?

Let me be clear here. I did not marry a Cop, I married a man with a nice safe profession. He was a Web Product Manager for an internet company when I married him eleven years ago. Five years ago we had a short “discussion” that consisted of two sentences: “I’m going to attend the academy and become a cop. Deal with it.” That was it, I found myself married to a cop.  At first I spent nearly everyday terrified that he would be shot or killed in any number of horrific ways. Over the years I’ve come to trust his training and accept his chosen profession to the point that I’m a great Cop’s wife. I love my Cop with all my heart and I will support him every step of the way. I’ve become so incredibly proud of him and the job he does everyday locking up dirt bags and keeping the streets safe in our little town.

A friend of mine, who is now engaged to a cop, absolutely refused to date her fiance when she met him because he was cop. Like me, she didn’t think she could handle it. He persisted and over many months he was able to persuade her to go out on a date with him. She still struggles with it even though she loves him very much. I figure she’ll be okay with it in another year or so but it can’t be easy for him to have to bottle the things he sometimes has to deal with on the job up because he’s afraid to worry her.

Nowadays Cops and Fire Fighters have easier options for finding women who will accept and support them in their chosen careers. They can join an Online Dating Site like  Uniform2Love.com and find women who are interested in men in that line of work. It’s sure as hell a lot easier than convincing some unsuspecting woman that it’ll be no big deal to risk losing the man in her life to a crazed gunman or blazing fire. The women on that site are actively seeking men in those careers and some of them are actually Cops or Fire Fighters themselves and in that case they will truly understand the pressures that go along with the job.

So if you’re single and  you’ve chosen a career in Law Enforcement or Fire Fighting I would highly recommend joining  Uniform2Love.com  just to make things in your love life that much more simple.

Dating In Your Forties

For a few weeks now I’ve been doing some research on dating in your forties and what I’ve seen can be very discouraging.  There are rants about it on Craigs List and negativity about it abounds.  I just don’t get it. It must be that those who find love and happiness after forty don’t run around posting about it on the internet. Although, quite a few of the Love Stories that I’ve posted on this blog were about people in their late thirties and forties.

Yes, it’s absolutely true that you can find love even after forty.  I honestly don’t think it’s any more difficult than finding love at any other age.   Maybe it’s that too many people are set in their ways or locked into certain behaviors and preferences so it’s more difficult for them to mesh with new people.  I think the reality is that most of us actually grow more patient as we age and it’s just a noisy minority of people who write about their negative experiences with dating after forty.

Sure having kids can make it more difficult and seems to put more on the line when it comes to relationships.  Most responsible parents want to protect their children from heart-break and feelings of abandonment in the event that the relationship doesn’t work out.  There are those times when you bring someone around that you’re casually dating and the kids seem to bond with them more than you do and it’s probably a good idea to try to avoid that. Also, as a parent you have less time to go out on dates.  You can’t just agree to a Friday night date on the spot because you need to work out a sitter or attend your kid’s soccer game.

How do you get around these kinds of things?  Well, you can start by joining an online dating site and getting to know people online before you get to know them in person.  Using the telephone and email is a lot easier for those of us with limited time and the need to protect our children’s hearts.  At FortiesLove.com  you can also use the Virtual Dating feature to have a few dates online before you even talk on the phone.  It’s easy to sit down at your computer while the kids are in bed or out doing whatever it is kids do and get to know perspective dates without any hassle. There’s also Mobile Dating available there so you can search or interact with singles while you’re on the go.

While you’re meeting perspective dates in the virtual realm you can find out what a person is about and what it is they are looking for.  You can get to know them in a totally relaxed environment without the nerves of a real first date. Then if you decide you do like them, your first in person date will go much more smoothly because you already know the person you’re going out with. 

Okay, now that we’ve covered how to meet other singles, we’ll discuss something else I came across in my research.  I found that a lot of men complain that women in their forties are too motherly for them. They want a woman who is mature but still able to cut loose and have fun.  This is another complaint that I just don’t get.  I am 42 years old and most of my friends are either in their forties or they’re pushing it hard.  Not a single one of us is “motherly” to people other than our own children.  We still have a sense of fun and like to laugh and be silly. I’m always telling people that I’m 42 going on fourteen and it’s true!   Well on second thought, I do have a couple of friends that take life too seriously but ya know what? They ALWAYS did that.  Maybe you guys are just meeting those kinds of women.  Come on, we all know those people who are just too serious. It’s not even just women, there are lots of men like that too and it has to do more with personality than age.

So if you meet someone online who just seems too serious for you just move on to the next one. It’s a lot easier than going out on an actual date.  There will be no awkward moment at the end of your virtual date where you’re worried they will try to kiss you or expect you to kiss them and there won’t be any screening of your calls for the next week or two.   That goes for every complaint you can come up with.  If someone is not a good match for you then move on and find someone who is.  People these days seem to think that finding a romantic partner should be like buying peanut butter.  There are way more choices out there than creamy or chunky so keep looking until you find the one that works for you!

If you’re in your forties and read this and realized that you’ve become too serious, lighten up and have some fun! Plan dates that will bring out your fun side. Go rent bikes or go roller skating.  Go to an amusement park or go out dancing.  Dating should be fun so you can truly relax and get to know each other in your natural, relaxed, state.  Going out to dinner is fine too but why not save that for another date?  I have always hated eating on a first date. I feel so on the spot and self-conscious and that is NOT a natural state for me!  What is a natural state for me is dripping salsa or something greasy across my lap and chest while I’m nervously eating. Yes, I am a clutz and it’s much more enjoyable to fall on my butt roller skating than it is to spend the rest of my date with a big stain on my shirt. Stop being so worried about acting foolish and remember, you’re in your forties not your seventies. You’re still young enough to go out and play in the sunshine.

If you are one of those serious people don’t feel bad. It’s just who you are and there are other serious people out there for you. Heck you may even find a silly person that you click with.  I’m a life long silly person who’s been married to a serious man for 11 years now!  It’s just a matter of knowing what you want or being open to people who are different than you are. Love is a complex emotion based on many different factors.  It’s down right unexplainable really.  Just get out there and keep looking until you find the one that makes your heart go pitter patter. If you’re relaxed and patient (as I know all you old farts can be) you will find it…. Yeah, that’s right. I called you an old fart. What are you going to do about it, huh? Nothing, because I’ve already skated away… Neener, neener, neener!

 

A note about FortiesLove.com,  It can be used for finding people of any age.  You can choose to set it for any age group 18 and up so if you’re in your forties and are open to dating younger or older people you will not be limited to people in their forties. Also, if you’ve packed on some poundage as you’ve gotten older there’s also CurvyLove.com and that’s full of people looking for women with big curves.

 

Go With The Flow

Ice Cream Dessert

Image via Wikipedia

  This post is about something a lot of  singles do when it comes to dating, the tendency to over think things.

  Women especially can fall victim to the over thinking monster and that really is what it can be, a monster.  We can take a simple statement and turn it into a million things. Wondering what he meant when he said that he didn’t like ice cream much. What did he mean when he said he didn’t like ice cream? Why would he say that? Is he saying I’m fat?  No, maybe he just doesn’t like ice cream? Is he saying he thinks I’m cold? Is he saying we’ll never get along because I like ice cream? I wonder if he was hurt by someone when he was eating ice cream?

  Okay, so this is a silly example but I think it makes the point that something so simple can be used for hours of self torture and obsessive behavior. It can be turned into all sorts of fuel for a neurotic inner dialogue when maybe, just maybe, he meant exactly what he said and he really just doesn’t like ice cream much!

  I think when it comes to relationships some of us are just so freaked out that we grasp at straws and try to make something out of nothing.  We’re so afraid of being rejected that we’re on the look out for any little sign that we’re going to get hurt.  There’s a line in song called Breathe by Taylor Swift that says  “every little bump in the road, I try to swerve.”  I think that line perfectly describes what I’m trying to say here. 

  What we really need to do, instead of swerving like a drunken fool in a demolition derby, is learn to follow our gut instinct when it comes to relationships.  You have a little voice inside. You may think you don’t but you do. It’s just that it can be really hard to hear because it just whispers while the over thinking monster screams a thousand things in an attempt to drown that little voice out. 

  Sometimes our instincts are telling us that a relationship with a person is a really bad idea but we never hear it because we’re busy distracting ourselves over the fact that he doesn’t like ice cream much.  Sometimes our instincts are telling us that this is a person we could spend the rest of our life with but we drown it out by over thinking it because getting real with ourselves  isn’t something we’re ready to do yet.

  Do yourself a favor and teach yourself to go with the flow and stop over thinking every little thing.  Let that little voice guide you and you can’t go wrong.  Even if you end up getting hurt.  What? Yes, even if you end up getting hurt.  Sometimes we need to follow a certain path even if the path leads us to a broken heart.  There are lessons in every relationship you have and if you just learn to follow that little voice inside every lesson you learn will be a healthy and valuable one that will lead to the right person.

  Remember the trick is to stop over thinking and listen for the little voice instead. It may take some time to find it but it’s there. 

The Skinny On BBW’s

Over the years I’ve owned and promoted several online dating sites. These dating sites usually have a niche. Some are geared toward the Military singles and their admirers, Some are for Police and Firemen singles and their admirers. In fact I have had several different kinds of Online Dating Sites.  My favorite Online Dating Site is and always has been my BBW site CurvyLove.com. Why you wonder? Well not only am I not a skinny girl myself but online BBW dating turns the biggest profit! That’s right girls, men will pay to find a beautiful girl with a nice rounded, soft and squishy body,  just like yours.

The world of online dating promotion can be a tough one. It seems shocking that BBW dating is where the money is but the truth is that it is so popular that the market it actually over saturated.  There are too many BBW sites out there competing for your dollars. It can be rough getting a new BBW site off the ground because Sites like CurvyLove.com have been around for so many years and already have so many members finding success, that it’s rough to compete with them.

Whenever I run into some mean spirited Neanderthal who thinks an attractive woman’s body should resemble a 12 year old boy’s body I make it a point to tell him what I do for a living and where the money is. They’re always shocked and appalled and I always tell them to get with modern times. The days of boy hips and visible abs on a woman being attractive are over for most people, if they ever even really existed.  Hollywood and the fashion industry are the last two hold outs for anorexia being a part of the beauty standard but guess what? The public in general seems to be moving past that woman hating trend.

Curves are where it’s at. A look into modern day high schools will show you that. All across America you see cheer leaders who are bigger and curvier than they were just 10 years ago. Gone are the days where a girl was treated as an outcast, no matter how pretty she was, just because she was bigger than a size 8. Now days big girls can be considered pretty and even be popular if they just take care of themselves and carry themselves with confidence.

Some people also like to say we aren’t healthy. The truth is that medical science is starting to see that being “fit” does not automatically mean someone is healthy. More and more studies and articles are starting to show that weight does not necessarily have anything to do with being healthy. There are big people out there that are more healthy than thin people.  I’ve always had healthy cholesterol levels and normal blood pressure and most certainly not all of my thin friends can say that!

I believe that in time Hollywood will catch up with the rest of us. The success of actresses like Kate Winslet will eventually get to them. Kate is by NO means a big girl but she absolutely refuses to starve herself into a size zero and it has not hurt her career at all. Hollywood already accepts a bigger black woman and has for a long time. I think the reason for that is because the bigger black women who make it in Hollywood carry themselves with confidence and refuse to be put down and considered less of a person because of their size.

The rest of us should learn from them. I’m no less attractive or important than that woman in the bathroom bringing up the contents of her lunch. I’m no less attractive or important than that woman who lives at the gym trying to burn off every calorie she can. I am as attractive and important as I want to be so long as I can see my own beauty and value. No one in this world has the power to make me feel less about myself and the sooner we all start to see ourselves in this way the more the world will have to step aside and let us big girls shine no matter what the color of our skin is.

The truth is that people who judge others harshly do it because they themselves are insecure and putting others down is nothing but a lame attempt to bring themselves up. Why, why, WHY would any of us ever want to listen to someone like that? I say let them go on feeling and acting small because we will come out big and take over the world.  

(Note to the thin women out there. I do not mean to offend you in any way. You must take into consideration the fact that society has a way of making bigger girls feel unworthy and it’s about time we consider ALL people of ALL sizes valuable members of society. If you took offense to any of this I am sorry but everything I said is the truth as I see it. A size zero may be natural to a few women but most women have to suffer to achieve it.)

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