For a few weeks now I’ve been doing some research on dating in your forties and what I’ve seen can be very discouraging. There are rants about it on Craigs List and negativity about it abounds. I just don’t get it. It must be that those who find love and happiness after forty don’t run around posting about it on the internet. Although, quite a few of the Love Stories that I’ve posted on this blog were about people in their late thirties and forties.
Yes, it’s absolutely true that you can find love even after forty. I honestly don’t think it’s any more difficult than finding love at any other age. Maybe it’s that too many people are set in their ways or locked into certain behaviors and preferences so it’s more difficult for them to mesh with new people. I think the reality is that most of us actually grow more patient as we age and it’s just a noisy minority of people who write about their negative experiences with dating after forty.
Sure having kids can make it more difficult and seems to put more on the line when it comes to relationships. Most responsible parents want to protect their children from heart-break and feelings of abandonment in the event that the relationship doesn’t work out. There are those times when you bring someone around that you’re casually dating and the kids seem to bond with them more than you do and it’s probably a good idea to try to avoid that. Also, as a parent you have less time to go out on dates. You can’t just agree to a Friday night date on the spot because you need to work out a sitter or attend your kid’s soccer game.
How do you get around these kinds of things? Well, you can start by joining an online dating site and getting to know people online before you get to know them in person. Using the telephone and email is a lot easier for those of us with limited time and the need to protect our children’s hearts. At FortiesLove.com you can also use the Virtual Dating feature to have a few dates online before you even talk on the phone. It’s easy to sit down at your computer while the kids are in bed or out doing whatever it is kids do and get to know perspective dates without any hassle. There’s also Mobile Dating available there so you can search or interact with singles while you’re on the go.
While you’re meeting perspective dates in the virtual realm you can find out what a person is about and what it is they are looking for. You can get to know them in a totally relaxed environment without the nerves of a real first date. Then if you decide you do like them, your first in person date will go much more smoothly because you already know the person you’re going out with.
Okay, now that we’ve covered how to meet other singles, we’ll discuss something else I came across in my research. I found that a lot of men complain that women in their forties are too motherly for them. They want a woman who is mature but still able to cut loose and have fun. This is another complaint that I just don’t get. I am 42 years old and most of my friends are either in their forties or they’re pushing it hard. Not a single one of us is “motherly” to people other than our own children. We still have a sense of fun and like to laugh and be silly. I’m always telling people that I’m 42 going on fourteen and it’s true! Well on second thought, I do have a couple of friends that take life too seriously but ya know what? They ALWAYS did that. Maybe you guys are just meeting those kinds of women. Come on, we all know those people who are just too serious. It’s not even just women, there are lots of men like that too and it has to do more with personality than age.
So if you meet someone online who just seems too serious for you just move on to the next one. It’s a lot easier than going out on an actual date. There will be no awkward moment at the end of your virtual date where you’re worried they will try to kiss you or expect you to kiss them and there won’t be any screening of your calls for the next week or two. That goes for every complaint you can come up with. If someone is not a good match for you then move on and find someone who is. People these days seem to think that finding a romantic partner should be like buying peanut butter. There are way more choices out there than creamy or chunky so keep looking until you find the one that works for you!
If you’re in your forties and read this and realized that you’ve become too serious, lighten up and have some fun! Plan dates that will bring out your fun side. Go rent bikes or go roller skating. Go to an amusement park or go out dancing. Dating should be fun so you can truly relax and get to know each other in your natural, relaxed, state. Going out to dinner is fine too but why not save that for another date? I have always hated eating on a first date. I feel so on the spot and self-conscious and that is NOT a natural state for me! What is a natural state for me is dripping salsa or something greasy across my lap and chest while I’m nervously eating. Yes, I am a clutz and it’s much more enjoyable to fall on my butt roller skating than it is to spend the rest of my date with a big stain on my shirt. Stop being so worried about acting foolish and remember, you’re in your forties not your seventies. You’re still young enough to go out and play in the sunshine.
If you are one of those serious people don’t feel bad. It’s just who you are and there are other serious people out there for you. Heck you may even find a silly person that you click with. I’m a life long silly person who’s been married to a serious man for 11 years now! It’s just a matter of knowing what you want or being open to people who are different than you are. Love is a complex emotion based on many different factors. It’s down right unexplainable really. Just get out there and keep looking until you find the one that makes your heart go pitter patter. If you’re relaxed and patient (as I know all you old farts can be) you will find it…. Yeah, that’s right. I called you an old fart. What are you going to do about it, huh? Nothing, because I’ve already skated away… Neener, neener, neener!
A note about FortiesLove.com, It can be used for finding people of any age. You can choose to set it for any age group 18 and up so if you’re in your forties and are open to dating younger or older people you will not be limited to people in their forties. Also, if you’ve packed on some poundage as you’ve gotten older there’s also CurvyLove.com and that’s full of people looking for women with big curves.